Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Is that a cattle prod in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

Last winter, my dad gave me a large box of old family photos and told me to let my two sisters know that he had boxes for them as well. This past week, my younger sister finally got hers, and we spent the better part of last night going through them on what was her last night in the US for a good, long while. We sat there on my couch, giggling and going "Ooh...look at this one!", wondering who the hell some of the people in the pictures even were, feeling sad for people we've lost, and laughing our asses off at how horrifying most of the pics were, primarily owing to the fact that we were raised in the 70's and 80's.

Yikes.

I'm holding onto her pictures for now as she is going back to India today (where she lives with her husband) and couldn't have the extra weight in her luggage. That's fine with me, as now I have hundreds more photos to sift through, pick out the doozies and post them in the discreet and private forum known as the In-ter-nets.

I'll give you a random and delicious taste of the glories to come:


This one is me (left) and my sisters, all dolled up for "International Kitty day". Our newfound love of the 3/4" barrel curling iron is apparent, as is my love of turquoise terrycloth dresses and wicked awesome lace-up white sandals. And, as you probably already noticed- our parents were avid collectors of fine art and furniture. I believe that me & my older sister are wearing pantyhose, as most 10 and 12 year-old girl children did back then:

This next one was taken at a family reunion from my Mom's (read: farmers) side of the family. If you will, please take note of the fancypants girl totally rockin' the shit out of her purple outfit front & center. If this were a traveling minstrel group, we'd call it "Lil' Whiskeymarie Purplepants and the back-40 singers". Or something like that. Whatever.
I don't remember this reunion specifically, but I do remember that at more than one of the gatherings for this side of the family that there was some serious "kissin' cousins" action going on. These reunions always involved LOTS of booze, and usually several husbands (including my Dad once) had to be left on the Farm overnight to be picked up the next day by pissed off wives. Two other incidents I specifically remember from these festive events: My great-uncle Grosspants hit on my 12 year-old sister in the pasteurization shed one year (they were dairy farmers), and one year the guy in the picture with the yellow shirt (top row, sticking out) wandered off and wasn't seen for two days. Eventually he was located at a local bar, but no one (including him) knew what had become of his two "lost days."
I can't make this crap up, trust me. It's all true:



I love this newspaper clipping of my Mom helping judge a livestock show. I can't imagine why she was there as she grew up in West Duluth without so much as a chicken or bale of hay in sight, but her Dad was a butcher, so maybe she had an "in" there. She looks so cute in her little sweater and pencil skirt. Me-ow:



This one made me snort. My dad sporting a honkey 'fro and 70's 'stache. How very Bob Ross of him. And the sweater? The sweater.
That's my little sister in his lap, wondering why one of the dudes from Boston is in her house.
I guess they were giving babies away for christmas in 1977 too:


Oh, and a here's a random picture of Kenny Rogers:

That's just a teaser, y'all. So very much more to come...

I can't wait to put these together a little more coherently and wow you with the wonder of the VonPartypants clan and their crazy fashion escapades through the 70's and 80's. I have so many stories to tell. Pride will be lost, shame sprials will be spun, and you will learn how my Mom managed to raise three marginally (humor me) dysfunctional girls over the course of two decades while holding a cigarette in her hand THE ENTIRE TIME:



Such a classy bunch, we are.

Happy Tuesday/Wednesday my little photographically-challenged moustache hairs. Happy Tuesday/Wednesday.

XO

36 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Holy crap, I love your family! I'm begging you to put all these on Flickr for the whole world to enjoy.

WendyB said...

Total Bob Ross!

Dr Zibbs said...

Whiskey, these are grat pictures! I've been wanting to post some kid pics myself. Are you still friendly with your sisters? Would love to see the grown up sisters.

Jess Wundrun said...

Let me get this straight, your DAD let these pictures out of his own private lockbox?

Brave, brave man!

(I fear we may be distantly related - there are far too many similarities in your family box as in mine)

Suze said...

My dad helped marginally raise us with a beer in his hand the whole time. Good times!

P.S. Word verification: dicalix. Ho..ho....hee...hee.

EmBee said...

Two favorite family members in that group pic... Red-headed Braless-Betty in the red &white striped shirt... And that quite obviously wild cousin wearing the Scottish tam with the giant pom-pom!

Your family ROCKS!
:-)

Stefanie said...

My little sister spent a bunch of time at my parents' house last winter scanning old photos. She found some great ones, but I have to say, my dad was never anywhere near as hip as yours.

Kate said...

LOVE.

(Gawd, could those names from the paper be any more Minnesotan? They almost read like Garrison Keillor character names.)

180|360 said...

That is awesome! I keep trying to pilfer family photos when I go home, but I always get called out on being the family photo thief.

Anyway... I have a pic very similar to that top one. We're sitting on a brown couch with a homemade blanket and two paintings behind us. No cats- but I think we're all wearing something! If I can dredge it up, I'll send it to you.

Because really, what could be more exciting than getting a polaroid of someone you've never met??

Kim said...

I'm 39 and graduated in 1987, so every time you post oldie-but-goodie pictures, I have severe flashbacks that have nothing to do with the hallucinogenics I experimented with in the 90's. I can't wait to see what you put up here next.

Some Guy said...

Awesome! I love reminiscent posts like this! The family reunion is a classic.

Gwen said...

Please stop posting pictures of my family and calling it yours.

(Who's the sassy pants next to you in the reunion photo? In the blue shorts jumper? She looks jealous of your purple pantsuit.)

pistols at dawn said...

I am so happy that I'm not the only one who calls all white guys with 'fros in the 70s members of Boston. Syb's hair was perhaps the greatest thing in my childhood, which says a lot about how crappy my childhood was.

Bubs said...

More pictures!

Fran said...

Oh man. Well look at the bright side WM, my mom probably just had the cigarette planted between her lips as she fed me. The sight of falling ash still provokes an entirely psychotic reaction from me, so it must be that!

These photos are rich!

gorillabuns said...

At least your mother didn't pose you with the cigarette in your mouth or a bottle of booze propped up ever so gently.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Our family reunions got a lot less boisterous once we stopped providing the kegs.

Great pics.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Also, are you wearing white lace up sandals at Christmas, or are those candles still on the coffee table six months after Christmas was over?

McGone said...

Awesome. Awesome awesome. Awesome-ity awesomeness.

My dad also often partook in the Midwestern tradition of getting so pickled he had to be retrieved at a later date! Ah, memories.

When my mom gave me a stack of pictures from this same era, I saw the clouds part and heard a choir of angels in the background.

H said...

Precious!
I can't stop laughing. Especially at the family reunion photo. It reminds me of the caddies from Caddyshack. That and we had several similar stories from family gatherings at my grandparents farm. Me having to drive my dad, uncle and older brother into town to get a beer and fish sandwich on Xmas Eve. Eventually they talked me into taking them "downtown" so they could pee on the town founder statue. It's a good thing my other uncle was the mayor.

I so want to holiday with you!

David said...

I think I must have watched Six Pack about 15 times as a kid. It kept showing on HBO one summer. And I kept watching. Rocky Top Tennessee got me all choked up every time. I'm sentimental like that.

Mommy Lisa said...

I lurve the baby getting the bottle with ma and a smoke.

Classic 70's, just classic!

CDP said...

Your dad DID look like Bob Ross! HA HA HA! And as much as I love the shot of your mom feeding the baby with the cigarette in her hand, I've seen an even better one; my friend Laura's mother and aunt, 1967, both HUGELY pregnant with Laura and her cousin...each of them with a cigarette in one hand and a martini in the other.

My word verification is "fersi". Say it out loud, it sounds like a Chicagoan saying the name of the national language of Iran.

i am playing outside said...

this excites me to NO END.

surviving myself said...

Those are awesome. Nicely done.

And your dad's sweater is fucking amazing. If there is a god - he has that sweater.

patsy said...

lovin' it. cannot wait for more, more, more!

Chiada said...

I swear to god, I am related to half those people in that reunion photo. Especially the lady with her eyes closed who you can see behind and the woman with the red & white striped shirt with red curly hair. I'll have to ask my mom because she looks like my mom's cousin. Whoah. Wouldn't that be scary.

dguzman said...

Whiskey, I'm almost speechless. The only coherent words I can stutter out are, "Scan, baby, scan!" I can't wait to see more!

And I have oodles of respect for your mom holding that cig in her hand through your entire childhood. That takes skee-ulz.

Renaissance Woman said...

My dad sported the exact same look! It was so 70's. Fun walking down memory lane with you.

enc said...

Oh, what a delight this post was. It took me back. I think we might be about the same age. (shhhh.)

wafelenbak said...

Did everybody's dad look like a dork in the 70's or what?
Also, I can one-up you because I had a yellow terrycloth JUMPER. Booyah!

Jon said...

If I ever build a time machine, I'm going back to that exact moment, at that exact time, so that I can hang out with Randy Quaid there in the yellow shirt. That guy is clearly driving the bus to Awesometown.

Iheartfashion said...

These pictures are great WM!
LOVE your Dad's marled sweater.
And the cigarette pic: priceless!

Steph said...

Hilarious!

The tall guy in the yellow shirt totally looks like Cousin Eddie/Randy Quaid!

Shannon Erin said...

My mother was also an expert at the cigarette in one hand, bottle in the other maneuver. Unfortunately, nobody ever caught it on film. :)

Falwless said...

This is truly magical. The whole thing. I am loving it so much I can barely stand it. MORE! MORE!