Thursday, October 2, 2008

Because only getting coupons from the oil change place is starting to make me feel pathetic...


Have I mentioned my super-hot mailman? He seems to be on a rotating shift, so he's only dropping mail in my box (that's what she said!) every once in a while, but holy balls that dude is easy on the eyes.
I have decided that increasing my mail input/output is the only way to insure that he will continue to make special deliveries to my mail-hole, so I am once again opening up the can of worms that is the "Whiskeymarie mail project".

I started this a while back, and it has been really nice sending mail/postcards/etc... via snail mail to some of y'all. Though I have slacked off a bit these last few months, I have the bug again and would like to get back in the habit.

So, here's how it works: You send me your address and I sell it to the CIA. Just kidding- I don't deal with them anymore after the whole incident when I "accidentally" ended up in Guam with no clothes and my passport missing. Good one, guys.
No, silly- if you want to participate, e-mail me your address and you will receive real, actual, paper mail with human writing on it. I can't guarantee what you'll get or how often, but you will get something at random intervals, whenever the mood strikes me. Sometimes stickers and gifts are involved. Sometimes. Don't get your hopes up. And yes- smooshed up, half-eaten gummi bears count as "gifts" in my mind.

And no, you really don't need to explain to me in comments why you "can't give your address out, but gosh I'd love to, but you know you all are criminals anyways, but I'd really totally do it if I could, blah blah blah." If you don't want to do it just tell me a joke or something.

Do it or don't. No big deal. I won't think less of you if you don't, because really- I only think about myself anyways.

And those of you who have already signed up- let me know if I need to update your addresses as some of you have moved/gone to jail/gone into hiding. How will I come knocking at your door at 4:00 in the morning if you don't live there anymore? Hmmm?

Mail away, my little seventeenth-century, ruffled shirt-wearing scribes, mail away.

XO

e-mail: candycanewhiskey (at) yahoo (dot com)

18 comments:

Gwen said...

Assuming you haven't thrown my address out in a fit of jealousy, I can still be found where you sent my last spectacular giftie.

I personally take all the credit for your hottie mailman because, as a high level USPS employee, I control these things. Sing my praises, comment on my site, or he disappears. Permanently.

Dr Zibbs said...

WM, not to get you disappointed but by the sounds of you mailman - he's totally gay. But if he isn't why don't you get him and the construction worker dude that was in you house fight it out? Battle Royale style. Also, you'll have a shit load of responses ...do you know why? It's free. Trust me. The number of freeloaders that wanted a free nickname from me other day was huge.

Moe Wanchuk said...

So Whiskey....if I give you my address...and you send me stuff...Do I have to "Stuff your Box" in return?

Whiskeymarie said...

Gwen- You're still good, assuming you haven't said fuck it all and moved to Mexico. If that's the case, give me your new address because I'm coming to live with you.

Zibbs- You'd be surprised- not as many people as you think want me knowing where they live- go figure. If anyone is unsure, I have references as to my mail-worthiness available upon request. Or just ask Gwen.

Moe- If by "stuffing my box" you mean sending me money, then yes- stuff away, big boy, stuff away.

Suze said...

So the restraining order only works "in person"? Excellent to know. I'll just show up and get my stuff.

mp stewart said...

12117 la salle br
conroe, tx 77304

CDP said...

I think you still have my address; let me know if you need it again. I'll even send something back, thus ensuring additional mailman visits.

LegalMist said...

I love your blog. You've got a great "voice" and style. Much more free-wheeling, sarcastic, provocative, and just downright fun than I likely will ever be, but I love it.

You and some other bloggers I love to read have inspired me to start my own blog to write my own crazy stuff. I have added a link to your blog in my sidebar. I hope you don't mind. Let me know if you want me to remove it.

And don't worry, I'm not asking for a link in return. I just wanted you to know how much you've inspired me with your snarkiness.

Happy writing!

kirby said...

Lucky you. I guess my mail lady is hot, but since I don't swing that way it really doesn't matter what she looks like, as long as I get my mail.

Evil Genius said...

s

Evil Genius said...

Red keeps me in a cupboard under the stairs. Can you just end me a post there?

Ed said...

Actual mail that isn't a solicitation to borrow money? I'm all over that! Mailing address to follow via e-mail.

Ed said...

P.S. I suppose the only drawback is that I might see more of Rich, my own mail carrier. He's a complete jerk. I hope he doesn't drive his truck into my car again and try to lie his way out of it like he did the last time.

Kim said...

Oh yes, my pretty - you WILL be getting my address as soon as I'm finished with my witty comment.
My mailman is an old grouch who NEVER PUTS THE RED FLAG BACK DOWN, MOTHERFUCKER!!! I think I may have rage issues because things like this put me over the friggin edge.

John said...

Can't talk...licking stamp.

Distributorcap said...

i love mail...... makes me feel important - just dont forward me all the charity pleas for money -- i have to take care of all the wall st execs out of work now

just sent an email

dcap

ali said...

what did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?

"if you weren't so fresh we wouldn't be in this jam"

HA!

Landis said...

picture.

of.

mail.

guy.



just sayin' . . .