Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Oh sweet brain, ours is a dysfunctional relationship

I forget things.
Not just small things- EVERYTHING.
This, as you can well imagine, is embarrassing at times.

My forgetfulness, my dears, is not your run-of-the-mill forgetfulness, either. I doubt there are many people who have missed three, count 'em, three appointments in one week (Lunch, therapist and a work meeting- I have since given up on the therapist- she should have seen this as something we could have "worked" on. She obviously didn't "get" me). As mentioned previously, I forgot Mr. Whiskeymarie's exact birthday, and regularly forget my own anniversary. Again, though, I still find those two funny.

Day-planners end up in garage sales (Hey! A 2001 leather-bound planner for a quarter! And really, I only wrote in two weeks of January- what a find!). Likewise the expensive palm pilot. Some schmuck paid $20 for it- he doesn't realize I would have paid him to get it away from me forever - it made me feel angry and inadequate in the way only technology can.

The palm pilot incident only reinforced what I already knew- my brain is shrinking.

Many years of cocktails, People magazine, way too much coffee, failed experimentation with various illegal substances, Us magazine,, hundreds of First Avenue shows in the late 80's-early 90's, MTV, retarded boyfriends, 1200 cans of Aqua Net used 1984-1989, more cocktails, inhaled exhaust fumes from driving to countless crappy jobs, countless crappy jobs (hello hotel maid? Servicemaster? convenience store clerk? bowling alley waitress?), enjoying the smell of gasoline, mountains of junk food, VH1, and pretty much anything I have enjoyed or endured...
Has rotted my brain and eradicated what shred of short or long-term memory I had in the first place.

But, I have found my savior. I have discovered

They are my new heroes. Just type in a memo, and they send you reminder e-mails. Strangely/luckily enough, I would never forget to check my e-mail. My brain thinks it's funny like that. I also can tell you what I wore to a wedding/party/dinner 8 years ago, down to the perfume I wore. Yet I lose my keys daily. Fucking brain.

I love the way I love skittles, pork products and roller coasters.
I would french-kiss them, if they'd let me.

They just sent me a reminder today- "Meeting on Friday! 11:30!". And, they'll send another tomorrow, as well as Friday morning. You would maybe find this annoying. I, do not.

I mean it about the kissing thing. I would even let see me naked, as long as our relationship can continue the way it has so far. Just don't tell my brain there's a new guy in town & he does a better job of servicing me, if you know what I mean.

1 comment:

Joel Johnstone said...

Best review EVER!

Joel Johnstone