- Stole a 5-cent candy lipstick from a convenience store
- Repeatedly prank-called our substance-addled and anger management therapy candidate choir teacher in junior high school with my friend, M.
- Got detention in 6th grade, thereby forever tarnishing my badge as School Patrol Co-Captain FOREVER, according to our obviously gay but married and angry supervisor.
- Globbed lotion on the hairbrush of that bitchy, frizzy-haired blonde girl at summer camp, which resulted in her throwing a hissy fit of epic proportions, landing all of us sharing the room in big-assed trouble. I never confessed- bitch deserved it.
- Took $5 from my Mom's wallet once
- Peed on the lawn of a church
- Commited statutory rape once- he was 17, I was 19.
- Ate all the cookies, said the dog did it.
- Gave the Mister my nasty, nasty stomach flu.
*You all know I save the REALLY bad things for real posts and my therapist. Duh.
Happy Thursday, my lying, cheating, cookie-eating balls of anger. Happy Thursday.