Monday, February 9, 2009

Lifestyles of the marginal and infamous.

I'm not sure what I'm doing different in my life that I seem to have no time whatsoever lately for this blog/reading blogs. Perhaps I could spend less time inspecting my face for imaginary zits, or If I cut back to one day a week instead of three for my doctor-prescribed uvula massage, or maybe if I spent less time dressing up the kitties and re-enacting great scenes from "Fantasy Island", maybe just maybe I might open up a few hours here and there.

I hate these random posts, but it's really the only safe and medically-approved way to convey the information to you today, trust me. My past week, in original bullet form because I know how the imitation bullet form gives you that rash on know:
  • I've had disturbingly vivid and realistic dreams this past week. In one, I got really drunk in front of this dorky guy that I went to high school with and then tried to make out with him, which he refused. I woke up panicked & embarrassed and worried about the impending reunion this summer.
  • I fell on the ice once, and almost fell 3 other times. My butt hurt for three days, my pride hurt for 5. It's called salt, people. You live in MN- salt your fucking sidewalk, will you? Next time I slip on someone's skating rink of a sidewalk they're getting an angry note tied to a brick through the window.
  • Operation Fix This Fucking House is up and running once again. This weekend we were unsuccessful in moving the longest couch ever upstairs into the Mr's newly painted and re-floored office. As I can no longer tolerate this couch sitting in my dining room, it now resides in the front porch with the rest of our orphaned furniture. It seems to be getting along with the old living room chair, but the vintage patio set is ignoring them- they're cliquey like that. The dining room is finally taking shape, and If all goes well (HAHAHAHAHA!), I should have "before and after" pics for you soon. My house is starting to look pretty awesome, if I do say so myself.
  • I went here Friday to check in on some ice carving that was going on. I love that when they designed this hotel, they decided to embrace the winter rather than fight it, so they opened a courtyard "Ice Bar" where the bar itself, and much of the seating is carved from ice. There's a roaring fire pit, fabulous art, and ridiculously expensive martinis that make you feel much cooler than you actually are. The theme of the ice carving exhibition was "demented", and the projects ranged from daggers and skulls to a hippopotamus coming out of a toilet. Other than the fact that it was bone-chilling cold & windy, it was pretty cool to be out and about and seeing something interesting.
  • That same night I had dinner with old Duluth friends here. The food was really good, the company was great, and I managed to make it through the evening without pissing anyone off or getting arrested for indecent exposure. We'll call this one a success.
  • Yet another trip to IKEA, yet another $250 I'll never see again. Buuntengaargen, my ass.
  • Work. Lots of work. Lots and lots of work.
  • Not much cooking- last night we had the Mr's brother over for dinner. I made "fancy taco night" fare: homemade black beans, spicy chipotle shredded chicken, charred peppers and onions, fluffy guac and all the necessary accoutrements. We broke in my new bamboo dining room table and shiny white modern chairs and acted like civilized adults with cloth napkins and everything. Wine was consumed, our bellies were full. It was lovely.
  • I accidentally ripped off 2/3 of one of my lesser toenails, yet oddly enough it didn't really hurt.
There you go. Now we're caught up and I can get back to "regular-type" posting. You know, things like "Ponderings on the life of a pubic crab" or, "I forgot I ate a pound of beets the day before, so I almost called the doctor" or, "Whiskeymarie's picks for the geriatric summer olympics!"

Lucky you.


Dr Zibbs said...

That art exhibit sounds right up my alley. It also reminds me of the tinfoil art exhibit I went to. I have pics on my computer and will post.

i am playing outside said...

So I decided to Google "Buuntengaargen". It came up with zero results, but suggested that I search for "Buntengaargen" instead, which is one U less, but was promising to be so much more. I was already roasting you in my head for your horrible skills when it comes to copying Swedish furniture names from box to blog.

"Buntengaargen" also returned no results.


John said...

• RE: "...and worried about the impending reunion this summer"

You think dorky guy had the same dream? Sounds like he got the better end of the deal. : )

• Chambers Hotel looks way cool. : )

• Are there any English speaking people in MN Ikeas? There aren't in VA Ikeas.

• Send the toenail to my mail hole.

That is all, Ms. VonPartypants.

180|360 said...

I've had the same problem lately, so I am trying to speed read through all that I've missed. Bullet points are perfect for that. Gracias. But now I want a taco and some fluffy guacamole and it's not yet 10am. And I'm pretty sure I'll have the word uvula stuck in my head all day. It's one of those fun ones to say over and over.

Kim said...

Because it's not often I can brag about my drinking skillz anymore, I'll share with you what I imbibed Saturday night:

2 Maisal's Weiss beers (German wheat beer; awesome)
5 Royal Flush shots (Crown Royal and ?)
2 Liquid Cocaine shots (? but tasty)
2 Ouzo shots (tasted like burnt ass with vomit aftertaste)

I did not get sick, nor did I feel very hungover and I can't understand this. I did sustain a knee injury but it was due to some dancefloor douche. I'm pretty proud of myself.

Giggle Pixie said...

My 30th high school reunion is this July. THIRTIETH people!

I'm so not going.

I hope your toe is okay!

Whiskeymarie said...

Zibbs- Tinfoil art sounds right up my alley. I also like macaroni art and glitter.

iapo- If this is how you spend your time, you obviously need a hobby. I suggest macaroni art.

John- If I can find the toenail, it's yours. Then you can use the DNA to start that whole "cloning" thing we discussed.

180/260- Uvulauvulauvulauvulauvula...

It sure IS fun!

Kim- NINE shots AND two beers? Holy shit- that would push me well past just "drunk" into "retarded drunk" territory. I am very, very impressed.

GP- This is my 20th- yuk. I'm still 50/50 on if I'll go or not.

Lollie said...

You make my Taco Tuesdays with the Taco Bell box feel cheap and nasty. Actually, it is cheap and nasty. Carry on.

Keith said...

You are a joy to read ... in your own very specially demented way.

We may have accidentally had the same parents judging from your thought processes.

Have to go, the bourbon is shouting my name.

My word verif was demende ... is that spanish for demented?

Kate said...

Your second to last sentence made me snort-laugh. So thank you!

i am playing outside said...

psh. i was taking a break from my usual hobby: doing homework while wishing i was sleeping.

Catherine said...

Soooo, would you care to share your guacamole recipe? It's one of my favorite foods EVER, and I'm also looking for a good recipe. I'm also pregnant, and just reading about your kick-ass dinner has my mouth watering. Thanks!

wafelenbak said...

Hippo coming out of a toilet? See, I keep telling people they need to give Minneapolis a chance.
(Admittedly I didn't click on the link and am just assuming you were in Minneapolis)

Suze said...

I think I cut my pinkie toenail completely off last time. Who can tell when it's that small?

T.J. said...

Now, see, I actually had a hippo come out of my toilet this week!!

I know, right?

Oh, and it's so not fair that John gets your toenail.

I want half.



Whiskeymarie said...

lollie- Cheap and nasty is the reason I love you- don't change a thing, doll.

simstone- back at'cha. You're having bourbon, I'm having wine...

miss k- I'm glad someone got it- this has actually happened, by the way. Beets- who knew?

iapo- That beats my hobby- inspecting my fingers after picking at things. That's a hobby, right?

catherine- I'd like to say it's a complicated & highly secret process, but I like my guac simple: avocado, lots of fresh lime juice, salt & pepper. That's it. I use an immersion blender (one of those hand held thingies people use to make smoothies in the glass or to puree soups) to make it fluffy.

wafelenbak- That's our tourism motto: Come to Minnesota! Home of toilet hippos!

Suze- My pinky toe is microscopic too- I'm sure I've cut it off completely at points. This time the damage was to the middle one (toe, not child.)

T.J.- If I had known that my toenail clippins could make so many people happy, I'd be selling them on ebay (I actually have a package in progress for you- keep an eye on your mail hole...)

WendyB said...

We went to an ice bar in Copenhagen. So much fun!

Renaissance Woman said...

Love the updates...and helpful to know that your having difficulties blogging recently as well.

diatribes and dish said...

Beet poop ... it gets me every time.

punchlinewalking said...

I'm having trouble imagining an ice bar and a roaring fire coexisting peacefully. Also, I've lost all my toenails at one time or another (due to hiking or running), so losing 2/3 of one ain't no thang.

surviving myself said...

Aren't all of your toe nails needed? I don't think any of them are "lesser." But maybe that's just me.

Red said...

Beets are awesome. I have not yet been successful in convincing EG of this. Have any recipes? I can probably get him to eat them if I get the recipe from you.

Gwen said...


patsy said...

i am ready for a nice dinner a la whiskey. invite me over. now.

pistols at dawn said...

At least falling on ice gives you a reason to have your butt hurt other than one my employer would likely fire me for.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

When you have time for the important things in life, go here

to pick up the award I gave you.

The Grand ChaHee said...

god, whiskey, i don't check on you enough--KEEP ON A KEEPIN' ON!

Ghost Dansing said...

happy birthday Whiskeymarie..... dinner suggestions.....