Monday, September 29, 2008

Me and my hole.

Did y'all have a nice weekend?

Mine was busy- working Friday night, a quick trip to Duluth to see if one can poison one's digestive tract through systematic overconsumption of Pizza, cheese and "chippy" things...

And this:

I helped dig a big hole.

Insert joke here________.

Do I know how to live large or what? I doubt he'll let me post it, but I took a little film of my Mr. pulverizing some of the giant rocks we had to dig out with a pickaxe while "Sail Away" by STYX played loudly in the background and my retardedly drunk neighbor worked on the engine of his truck which, I shit you not, burst into flames when he tried to start it later (and drunkier) in the day. Oh, and after he made me & the Mr. walk over to the back of the yard so he could tell us a joke about old people and blow jobs.

Good times.

Maybe next weekend I can do something REALLY exciting, like tiling the basement floor.

Woo. Hoo.

Happy Monday, my little chunks of gravel-coated yard dirt. Happy Monday.



Poobomber said...

1. What was Paris Hilton doing in your backyard?
2. She didn't object to you standing in her?
3. She looks a little dry.

punchlinewalking said...

Now I need to know what the old person/blow job joke is. NEED TO KNOW.

Gwen said...

Baby, you do not need to dig a hole to China in order to get some General Tso's chicken. I checked. There are tons of places in St. Paul where you can call and order some. Many of these places will even delivery!

majorbeef said...

Okay that is too weird, I heard a BJ/elderly joke over the weekend too, which I'll share:

An elderly couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

The wife said to the husband, "dear, we have been married 50 years today. Is there anything you want? Name it, anything." The husband thought about it for a moment and said, "you know what, you've never given me a blow job. Would that be asking too much?"

The wife, surprised by the request, said "Honey, I thought you would never respect me if I performed such a dirty act!"

The husband assured her he would not not, and that this one thing would make him extremely happy.

So, that night as they cuddled into bed together the wife slipped below the blankets and started to give her husband the BJ of a lifetime.

Midway through, the phone rang.

The husband answered it, paused, and handed her the phone.

"It's for you, cocksucker."

Lara said...

That is quite an impressive hole you've got there, WM. (Ahem). Now I feel creepy.

Jon said...

What's the hole for? That looks like the type of hole you dig in order to lay pipe. Yep, that's definitely a pipe laying hole if I've ever seen one.

I don't have any interesting or drunk neighbors, which of course means I'm the wacky drunk guy in my neighborhood. Awesome.

Whiskeymarie said...

poo- oddly enough, I don't think Paris even noticed me standing in her hole.

punchline- see majorbeef's comment.

Gwen- Are you spying on me? Seriously. We ordered from Grand Shanghai last night. No General Tso's chicken, though.

majorbeef- Are you spying on me too? Or do you know Larry my drunk neighbor too, because that's the joke right there. If I never have to hear Larry say "blow job" again, it would still be too soon.

lara- I forced it on you- blame me.

jon- It's for wire, but we'll tell people it's our pipe-laying hole just for you.

Dr Zibbs said...

Maybe it's your part of the country but that is some darl dirt. Ours is more of a redish brown.

Fran said...

If I were you, I'd watch how I used the word "hole" in a sentence.

Behave missy! People are watching!

McGone said...

There are far too few rock pulverizing opportunities in life... and to waste it on Styx's "Sail Away?" What a tragedy. That is definitely a Foghat/Molly Hatchet moment.

Lollie said...

If the Mr. won't let you post the rock pulverizing, can we have some video of your retardedly drunk neighbour's car going up in flames?

180|360 said...

Seriously, your weekends just get better and better! But I kind of wish you'd photographed various things buried in your hole. For instance, you could have buried a set of old lady twins or maybe you could've just persuaded Larry into your "drunk tank." Ahh... the possibilities are endless.

Nature Girl said...

who ya gonna bury in that hole? Inquiring minds and all. If you don't have anyone in mind, I could make a few suggestions...


Moe Wanchuk said...

I have a big hole too.

A Pie Hole.

Must be nice to have such great neighbors. I hate mine. He's a dickhead surgeon, who's gonna need an epesiotomy of the @ss one day after my weiner dog treats him like a B*tch!

John said...

Since when is digging big holes the job of the beautiful and delicate Heiress VonPartypants? What did you do to piss off the King? I prefer your Valley of the Dolls attire. Just sayin'.

Renaissance Woman said...

So what about old people and blow jobs? And...what is going into the hole?

majorbeef said...

WM, Unfortunately my entire neighborhood/town/metro area/state is full of folks like your neighbor. I have heard that same joke no less than 5 times.

Also, great blog. You remind me of this nun teacher I had in Catholic school who was always making God jokes. Irreverent wisecrackery.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You ae so hawt when you go all blue collar on our asses.

step right up said...

Enjoy it while you can because before you know it Old Man Winter will be knocking at your door!

Mariposa said...

Are you trying to do what that Christmas song is saying...was it "dig the holes"?! LOL

Spirula said...

"Sail Away" by STYX played loudly in the background and my retardedly drunk neighbor

I believe that's in their job description. It can be substituted by "Freebird", but only in the south. In either case, flashing emergency lights are soon to follow.

his truck which, I shit you not, burst into flames

I say, "mission accomplished"! No redneck endeavor is considered a success if it doesn't end in fire, death or "you fucking dumbass!".

(Spirula: reporting from deep in Crackerstan; where "education" is something that needs intervention, and dentitia is a childhood disease.)

pistols at dawn said...

Where will you hide the bodies now?

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