Monday, September 15, 2008

On your mark...

I had a picture post for y'all, but then I realized that I really needed to get to work, so I had to put pants on and leave the house. Then I got to work, and I realized that I can't do the thing that I came here early to do, so I took my pants back off and now I'm sitting here, in my cubicle, pictureless, pantsless and not working. Oh, and eating lentils.

So, instead of productivity and crap I'm going to take care of a few things.

First: Thanks to all of you for helping me stay "meme-free" for a few months. The doctors said it would clear up as long as I used the ointments and salves that they prescribed, and now other than a few hairy bumps I'm totally clear. I thank you for not touching me there.

Second: I was tagged for a meme, and I'm doing it. I know you won't try to stop me because you're such an enabler like that. Like, remember that time when I asked you to not let me eat any more nachos, under any circumstances? And then later on you're all like, "Hey! Let's go get beer and nachos!" And I was all, "Hey! That's a great idea!"
And then remember how I overdosed on flourescent orange nacho cheese and you had to call Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey to help you drag my body to the nearest Taco John's and you left me there for dead? I have forgiven Whiplash for that one, but you're still on thin ice, mister.

Aaaannyywayyys...

Ms. Meg, a.k.a. Madwoman tagged me to give you six unremarkable things about myself.

This should be easy, as I am a virtual potpourri of unremarkability.

1) I tell people that I never, ever drink pop/soda/coke, but I forget that I drink it all the time at work. So I guess that's not so much a lie as it is denial. We have a serve-yourself fountain thingy here at work with yukky Pepsi products. Through trial and error, I have discovered that if you mix a ratio of 2/3 diet lemon-lime Slice with 1/3 diet Pepsi that you get something bordering on tasty. I'm drinking it right now.

2) I only wash my hair every 3-5 days. Quit making that face. Seriously, quit it. You'd understand if you had my hair, but I'm glad you don't cause then I'd be bald. I have really fine, sort of curly, sort of straight hair (I call it "surly") that only begins to look good 1-3 days after I wash it. Day one, it is slippery and yet strangely frizzy, but it feels lovely even though I look like I dried my hair in a wind tunnel. Day two it is starting to get the lovely curl I like so much and the frizz is gone due to the 14 Aveda products I've slathered on it. Day three is usually referred to as "hair nirvana" day. Day four I start thinking it is getting a little tangled and manky. Sometimes this is when I wash. If I get to day five, you will usually see me sporting both a ponytail and a hairband to keep my bangs from touching my forehead and sticking.

3) I'm pretty sure I know every jingle from every television commercial from the mid-to-late 70's and early 80's. Every. One. Yet, I forget birthdays and anniversaries with astounding regularity. I'm conviced that my brain has a limited amount of things it can keep track of, and as long as those damn jingles are in there- I'm screwed. At least when I forget your birthday again this year you'll get to hear the "Enjoli" commercial as a consolation prize.

4) I like lima beans, brussels sprouts, cabbage and prunes. Yum yum yum. I am nothing if not stinky, gaseous and regular.

5) I wear a size 9-1/2 shoe, I am about 1/4" shy of 5'8" tall, my wedding ring size is 6-1/4, and I wear a 36 high-b, low-c. No, I won't tell you my weight, even though my jeans have been very loose lately. I'll just say that it's over 90 and under 900 and that I'm perfectly content with whatever it is.

6) Like a typical girl, whenever I feel sorry for myself I buy myself gifts. Sometimes it's in the form of a Godiva chocolate-covered marshmallow, and sometimes I buy uncomfortable shoes I end up returning. Last week it took the form of a sweater that will hopefully be waiting for me tonight when I get home. Much like the woman in the Enjoli commercial, I bring home the bacon, so I'm entitled to a damn sweater- dammit. Oh, and I bought many gummi treats for myself last week too. Gummi anything makes it all better.

There you go. Remarkably unremarkable, the wonder of me.

Happy Monday, my squishy, unnaturally-colored gummi treats. Happy Monday.

XO

25 comments:

Sizzle said...

I wash my hair every 3-4 days. It's short, thick, wavy AND color-treated. If I were to wash it daily it'd be a big puffy mess. I have never understood why people make the face. It's not like it smells or has bugs in it.

Chiada said...

That is a seriously awesome, cute sweater.

Stacey said...

I only wash my hair 1-2 times a week. Normally one. Us "women of color" we got that kind of hair that just can't take any more. So um that seems pretty normal to me.

But the rest of the stuff that's just straight up batshit crazy.

Ok, not really ...except for the lima beans and brussel sprouts

And um, LOVE that sweater. Could you send me one too. I'm feeling kinda shitty

John said...

RE: "...I'm sitting here, in my cubicle, pantsless"

Dammit woman, didn't I ask you for pics of such behavior? AND, didn't I ALSO ask you to patch me into HR MONTHS ago? If you would just DO WHAT I ASK, YOU ARE SO F**KING PROMOTED! - GAH! Why do you sabotage yourself like this Whiskeymarie?

Hey! You got your peanut butter in my chocolate! NO! You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!

You couldn't be unremarkable if you tried, WM. ; )

the blogger formerly known as maliavale said...

I think we are the *exact* same size. I could say that's weird, or I could say: Clothes-share! Oh, look, I did both.

Gwen said...

I wash my hair every day - sometimes more if I shower more than once. My short, spiky 'do is so over-produced that there's no way in hell I could go more than one day. Ewww, sticky.

Are you really not wearing pants at work?

"Oh, no! We're having lentils." Name the show and win 20 points.

That whole Taco John's incident was the monkey's idea, sister.

Sornie said...

I'd guess your actual weight based on the numbers, measurements and weight of hair funk at day five you've given but I don't want to end up in a shallow grave so I'll keep my mouth shut.

pistols at dawn said...

Unless that sweater's made of bacon, my Y chromosome won't let me care.

Dr Zibbs said...

About a week ago I was thinking of that Enjoli commercial. You read my mind.

Butrfly Garden said...

I love when other people openly admit that they don't wash their hair every day. I am not gross - but my hair would be if I subjected it to water every day. I've been telling the haters off for years. I don't hide my hair unwashingness.

We also wear the same shoe size. Except I'm only 5'4" so my feet are not proportional to my body, I guess. I didn't believe them when they said my feet would grow during pregnancy. And now I have a closet full of EIGHTS that tell me how wrong I was.

WendyB said...

"it's over 90 and under 900" -- ME TOO! We must be soulmates.

Ed said...

Hey, my wife brings home the bacon and just bought some uncomfortable shoes that she's going to end up returning (no sweater, though.) I wonder if she's feeling sorry for herself.

gorillabuns said...

Please tell me you remember the "Shake and Bake" commercial of the 70's. It was my favorite.

Idea #527 said...

That Sweater is adorable! I want it!

Also. . . didn't Flenker call pantless WAMP or something like that? Look at me trying to bring back his vocabulary!

Moe Wanchuk said...

I wish I didn't have to wear pants at my desk. I'm always thinking to myself....
"Either the Sun's under my desk, or my BALLS are on FIRE!"

Anonymous said...

Wow. You just described my unruly hair to a "T". So sorry that you are "surly" as well. I think I've tried almost every kind of product to force it into submission, and most have either failed miserably, or work well, but also require a small loan from the bank each time you run out.
P.S. Hey, "Where's the beef?". Loved those cute little old bitties!!
Many a good yuck to you tonight,
~ Renata1967

Renaissance Woman said...

Love the meme...glad your back! I love the idea of not washing my hair for 3 days. After 24 hours mine looks out of control! And all of the foods you love (minus sugar snacks) are all on my DO NOT EAT list.

punchlinewalking said...

But I love nachos!!

I came over here yesterday to write a comment but got totally distracted by the Anthropologie website.

CDP said...

I love that sweater; I bought a top (not turtleneck) in that color that has a ruffle at the hem. Just thought everyone needed to know that. As you were.

lizgwiz said...

Well, now I'm going to have the Enjoli jingle running through my head all day. Um...thanks? ;)

Red said...

Some of those sound a little remarkable to me, esp. the hair thing. That's highly unusual.

EG always teases me about my feet being too big, so I love that you're 1/2 size bigger because he once said he was secretly in love with you.

Wide Lawns said...

Whiskey Marie I am coming up there to beat you because now I will have the Enjoli song in my head ALL DAMN DAY LONG.

Hey I was recently asking my husband if he remembered Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific and he said no such thing ever existed, which is a lie. I remember the commercials. Do you? Could you please tell him it was real.

Whiskeymarie said...

wide lawns-
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGSXMRRUAAo

And, on another note, could someone PLEASE tell me how to do links in comments? I am retarded and cannot figure it out on my own.

tobacco brunette said...

I so understand. I'm a dirty girl, too. My hair looks way better dirty than when it is freshly washed.

Grant Miller said...

Whenever I feel sorry for myself I buy gifts for you, too.