Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Why hast thou forsaken me, Hedgehog?


At this moment, a shorter, chubbier Ron Jeremy is in my basement replacing my boiler.

I'm paying him $6800 for this.

Do you think I'll get an autograph?

Do you think it's inappropriate to ask to see...you know- that one thing?

You know, silly.

His master's degree.

What did you think I was referring to, you dirty little birds?

23 comments:

Nature Girl said...

I thought you wanted to see him cut his hair and shave his mustache...that's what I'd want to see...and maybe a clean shirt..
Stacie

gorillabuns said...

For some reason, I don't want to see his credentials.

The Grand ChaHee said...

Well, I ask to see his uh... "Masters Degree"; however, I don't think I'd be proud of myself for it... Hell, who am I kidding? I have no shame--Go For Broke!!!!

McGone said...

Oh yeah, I remember that one. Ron Jeremy shows up to replace the water heater and bow chicka bow wow rampant sex breaks out. Be careful there WM.

Wait, maybe I'm confusing that with the one where Ron Jeremy shows up to fix the kitchen sink and then sex happens. Or was it the refrigerator? Either way, everyone gets laid.

L Sass said...

This reminds me of the time AS installed a phone system at a sex school...

Bob Wayne said...

Rumor has it that Ron Jeremy is actually Rasputin, the mad Russian monk, and has been killed repeatedly by various STDs only to be "reserected" by psychotic porn stars. What's in your wallet?

wafelenbak said...

This to me was the funniest bit of trivia in the Ron Jeremy bio:
Is quite a talented piano player (and pipe organ by extension).

Pipe organ by extension? TELL ME that wasn't intentional!!

nancypearlwannabe said...

Eww! For $6800 I sure hope you get an autographed boiler.

Stacey said...

$6800, lord girl for that much they should have sent you a Clive Owen look alike.

Wait a minute...they should have sent the real thing for that crazy ass amount of money. (she says praying her boiler doesn't all of the sudden give out)

Candy said...

Wow. that's like one of my darkest fantasies...the boiler repair man...only he doesn't look like Ron Jeremy in my fantasy. Sorry.

punchlinewalking said...

Is it even possible for Ron Jeremy to be shorter and chubbier????? Please please take a picture for us!

Inarticulate Fumblings said...

I think the picture you posted is as much Ron Jeremy as I need to see.

Winter said...

I'd want a boiler and a good time for that price!

CDP said...

He's taking $6800 from you, so he's clearly found new ways to screw people.

Ba dump bump

Suze said...

Go ask him - I dare ya!

carrster said...

Sounds like a plot to me!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Maybe he'll offer to "warm you up" after he gets done. Bom chicka wow wow.

TwistedNoodle said...

I'm sitting here watching bits of Gene Simmons Family Jewels. When the picture of Ron Jeremy popped up on my screen I immediately thought, 'wow those two could be touch-hole relatives'. At least look wise...a little...Gene's taller...does anybody else see the resemblance?

Sorry about your furnace. You will be worry free and toasty warm soon.

Stefanie said...

Wait. You have a boiler? Is that an olde-timey word for furnace, or is your house older than dirt?

Also, thank you for reminding me that my own furnace could go any day now, and it will cost me entirely more than I'm comfortable with to replace. Fun!

Fran said...

Must be a really big boiler.

(frankly I think you are getting off the hook easy at $6800, which is scary and sucks.)

Grant Miller said...

Ah. So that's what people call it these days, a "master's degree." Interesting.

Chiada said...

I got a kick out of all your commenters and their sound effects:

"ba dump bump" which is like the drums you hear played at the end of a stupid joke or pun. I'm going to have to remember that one.

"bom chicka wow wow" self explanatory

I'm surprised someone hasn't mentioned a screechy cat: "RRRWWWWAAAARRR!!!"

Sornie said...

I'll put my talents up against Ron Jeremy's any day of the week.




Hell, I know my way around a boiler like nobody's business.