Thursday, September 20, 2007
Tick tock, you damn dirty clock.
Like a lot of you, I'm sure, I keep several notebooks around to write myself notes, make lists, write random thoughts, draw pictures of what I think I'd look like as an alien from the planet Funkytron...
you know, the usual.
I wrote something down the other day that has bothered me ever since I put my ultra fine point sharpie to paper.
"She/I woke with an urgent sense that time was running out."
I can't even remember what I was thinking that moment to make me want to write this down, but it has my undies all bundled up and chafing me in undesirable locations.
"Is time running out?" - Well, technically, yes. Unless you know something about sacrificing virgins to volcanoes to sustain eternal life that I don't, then yes, time is always running out. Every second that hand on the clock clicks or sweeps 1/60th of the total trip around the face is 1/60th more- gone. Then two, then three...
I think I've been feeling that my sense of urgency has dwindled a bit. And by "a bit" I mean that I seem to have formed a callus on the left side of my face from the extra hours spent sleeping and having dreams about dating homeless dudes from the soup kitchen (specifically the dude that wears short, tight jean shorts that highlight his junk in a frightful way. I think he may be Cicso Adler's dad.) It's not at critical mass yet, but if I start googling "where to buy bedpans" and "home remedies for bedsores" then please, please intervene. Someone come here, drag my ass out of bed, prop me on a chair in front of everyone I know and a few t.v. cameras and bring down on me the iron fist of shame. Please. This is not who Whiskeymarie is, and nothing gets this gal going more than a healthy dose of shame and self-loathing. Mmmm, mmm, good.
Those of you that know me know that I can sometimes, on occasion, be a woman of extremes. I tend to "go for it!" with all the gusto I can possibly muster up, not entirely unlike Angelina Jolie driving down a country road and seeing a large box labeled "free babies!"
I tend to throw myself into things wholly and unconditionally, usually without a plan or any idea of the outcome. I really have never seen this as a bad thing. I hate to over analyze things- I dare say that as expressed in a proportion, my time spent thinking about the details of most of my big life decisions as compared to the amount of time that said decision will affect my life is somewhere around 1/3,429.
I've been lucky, this has (with the exception of the unfortunate decision to adopt that family from Mongolia and have them move in with us) worked pretty well for me, overall. I have done some interesting things, had some great jobs, met some amazing (and some monumentally, impressively, astoundingly unamazing) people.
Problem is, I haven't done anything of any consequence lately, unless you count closely monitoring the progress of an ingrown hair on my bikini line as noteworthy.
I've been here before, some of you know this. Don't worry- I'm not depressed, I'm not blue (unless you count my skin tone mid-January. I'm a little blue-ish then- stay tuned.). I've been there briefly some years ago, and this...well this is not that.
I just need to kick myself in the ass, or possibly beat myself with a sack of oranges- so as not to leave bruises.
I need something noteworthy. Something other than, "Wow! that's some kick-ass sock organization, if I do say so myself! Hoo-wee, that's awesome!"
Because, today, I did wake with an urgent sense that time is running out.
And it is.
It always is, dammit.
Posted by Whiskeymarie at 9:48 AM
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I've said it once and I'll say it again : The offspring of WhiskeyMarie would totally kick ass .
Is that your biological clock pictured there ?
(I know you want to hit me with that sack of oranges right about now , huh ?)
I haven't had a "kick my ass off the couch and make me do something" moment since I've had children, but when I did have those moments, they would be followed almost invariably by either a catastrophe that would force me into action OR a burst of creative energy. Usually the former, but sometimes the latter! So the fact that you're having this moment means that you're probably about to embark on something big.
I had to Google Cisco Adler and I wish I hadn't...ewww!
I hate when I have those moments. I don't have any words of wisdom for you. Since I like you though, you can hit me with the oranges. Just for today though.
I always get that way for a couple of weeks this time of year....a sense of time running out, but it's always in reference to all the crap that has to be done before the holidays. I love the holidays...I just don't love all the shopping that goes along with it.
Say..this is totally off topic, but it occurs to me that you are the only one I "know" that might know this...how does one go about picking out mangos? I always get one so "green" you can barely get a knife thru it and it smells and tastes like pine trees. Seriously...how does one pick out a mango?
I had this moment last year, when I realized I'd lost Maurey a bit in my dogged determination that THIS marriage would work out, darn it. I let HH turn me into some kind of blandly smiling hockey fan. Ugh. I longed for my old self.
So, I threw myself back into it. And how. And now I'm freaking exhausted, but I'm blissfully happy.
Maybe time for a job change? A new house? Some new 80s aerobics tapes?
Other WM- As far as "that clock" goes- I beat the crap out of it with a baseball bat, you all know that. ;)
CDP- I'm hoping for the "creative energy" burst, but preparing for the catastrophe. Always preparing for the catastrophe...
Suze- That's o.k. No wisdom needed. I'll gently toss an orange to you and you can eat it- don't slip on the peel though.
Stacie- Who knows where this is coming from- I'll figure it out. I always do.
As to mangoes- you want them red/orangey and fairly soft to the touch, like a ripe avocado. If you get a green one, it won't be ripe for a few days, at least. Leave it out, unrefrigerated until it's ripe enough (or put it in a paper bag & leave it out to speed the process up).
Maurey- Yeah, you needed to snap out of that a bit, glad you did. But, I don't want as much going on as you have. You thrive with it, I get pissy and anxious. I'll snap out of whatever this is. It's not so much a funk as a "reconsidering" of priorities.
If nothing else, it gets my creativity flowing.
I have that sense of urgency a lot. Like when I'm driving to/from work - wasting my life on the Highway of Death - I'll get the urge to just turn off and go somewhere else. But I never do.
When I feel like I'm lost or am missing something from my own life, I find something new to volunteer for. A new experience in the least.
And NO LIE - this is my word ver today: wkmsry close, eh?
national novel writing month is coming up. 50,000 words in 30 days. it could begin with fester, dramatiste, the guy in the chair ... all sitting around a table at chez poopybum.
Unless you know something about sacrificing virgins to volcanoes to sustain eternal life that I don't, then yes, time is always running out.
That reminds me... the autumn equinox is this weekend. I better head down to the village and find a suitable sacrifice.
I know that my view of the world tends to be simplistic, but moments like this are always indicative of the fact that I need a good laugh. Sometimes it just seems like life gets too heavy.
Thank you so much for the advice on mangoes..I guess I'll need to purchase a day or two ahead of time for the recipe I'm making...
This is going to require planning on my part..I'm not so good at that..
It gets worse, and better , I imagine. All of mortality is a pathetic and melodramatic path into oblivion. It's not THAT you disappear into nothingness that makes us love you, it's HOW you disappear into nothingness. Children or not, it's all futile ... but that's not a bad thing, is it?
maybe it's just end of summer boredom. i'm with whomever said you should just get out volunteer. do something for someone else. meet someone new. maybe that would help...? or go skydiving.
I hear ya there, sister. Don't you wish sometimes that you could just stop time? Just for a little while, to do what you want to do without time's agenda ticking away?
I need a kick in the ass, too. We can break out the 80's aerobics tapes together.
Ok, now I feel like I accomplished nothing having just cleaned out my panty drawer. I was so proud of my bad self too.
In hopes of cheering you up, I am "virtually" buying you this tee-shirt because it's fucking hysterical.
Check it out.
Butrfly- I have been volunteering. I'll save the big discussion about it for a post...
Christina- I'm more of what you call an "armchair writer". I don't know that I have a novel inside me. Plus I can't punctuate for shit.
McGone- Hurry! I hear the pickin's at the virgin store are iffy, at best right now.
Abbs- I agree. Maybe I need to start paying attention to politics again- that's always good for a larf.
Stacie- Planning, schmanning.
Domboy- No, it's not such a bad thing. I guess I thought I would have left more of a "mark" by now, that's all...
Aubrey- Maybe skydiving is in order- do they let you wear a diaper when you jump? Hmmm.
h- Only if we dress the part. I don't want to be half-assed about it. We will require legwarmers.
Twisted- I LOVE that website. I didn't buy the one you "bought" (yet), but I did get the "I should be in the kitchen" one. I see many purchases in my future. Thanks for the suggestion, toots- buying cute stuff really DOES make me feel better...XO
Oh I get that too. Sometimes I feel like the most significant thing I've done in weeks was pluck my eyebrows into the perfect arch. But I want more from life whiskeymarie! I want more dammit :O) But seriously I do get that feeling of needing to do something but not knowing where the hell to start...I hate that kind of anxiety.
The name Cisco Adler still makes me cringe. I'm not sure any of us will ever get over the trauma.
Chronophobia. There's an Outkast song about it. I think we all get it. Especially when we get to a certain age. And also when you're a wild gal. Like us. I find that sometimes it only takes a small thing to cure it (as opposed to the drastic things we are both familiar with). This last week I went horseback riding, trained to drive the pedalpub, and went on a diet. Only small things, but big in their end result.
Sounds like you're a little antsy over there, put your thinking cap on and go for it little lady.
You should jump out of a plane. Do it now before it's too cold. That'll get ya movin'.
If you write a novel, I'll help you with the punctuating. For free.
Let's sign up for a pottery class that we can show up drunk at.
Ruts happen. I liked this entry though, it's a reminder for me to get my own ass off the couch.
Ah yes, the fall-funk. I know it well. You, my friend, need a project! You should strip, sand, and restain something. It is so very satisfying!!
have a baby. Go on.
Feel free to slap me now.
(although Angelina would no doubt adopt it if you changed your mind)
something always happens when you think those thoughts, and it will be big, but might happen starting very small..it is already in the works...
i have this feeling everyday.
like, the crapper needs to cleaned, an email to be returned, artwork to be destroyed.
instead, i usually make a mixed drink to dull my senses.
Well, you better hurry up and finish that Great American Novel, because you already wrote the first line. I'm hooked.
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