Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Because I promise that this will be one of those "take the day off" holidays you love so much.

MySpace Countdown Clocks

Common ways "International Whiskeymarie Day" is celebrated around the world:
  • In Canada, celebrants will host a dinner for the local hobos where they will serve Poutine, Nachos and Chili. Then, shots of Canadian whiskey are passed around until one or more fights break out amongst the guests. If guests are not in a fighting mood, dollar bills are thrown into a dirt pit to encourage things. At midnight, illegal fireworks are set off. If no one loses an eye, the next year will be prosperous. If an eye is lost, all attendees are encouraged to live like an animal in the woods until the "year of dispair" is over.
  • In Brazil, IWD is observed through a solemn ceremony where everyone gathers in a circle and sings Air Supply songs, then a vow of "no pants" is taken. When seven Sundays have passed, then pants may be worn again.
  • In Sweden, the day is marked by people of all ages drinking rhubarbtinis from sunup to sundown, ending the day by throwing up in the ceremonial "barf vessel" which is usually hand-crafted from the finest paper mache' and passed down from generation to generation.
  • The French refuse to acknowledge IWD ever since Whiskeymarie brought her own box of wine to the Mime Festival and started what later became known as "Le Franzia Riots de Doritos aux Battle Royale".
  • Germans really whoop it up, marking the day with a stern nod towards one another. It truly is magical.
  • The Chinese kick off the festivities by taking their 2-minute lunch break in their 18-hour workday to do a little "happy wiggle butt dance" while eating the traditional meal of "Orange Macaroni Gai Pan", the ingredients of which vary from provence to provence, but always include barbequed pork and those little baby corns that are so darn cute.
While celebrated enthusiastically and widely throughout the world, IWD is a relatively new holiday here in the US.
Officials from the VonPartypants Campaign for International Awesome Day are asking for suggestions as to how to "officially" celebrate. How best to celebrate the birth of a hero? How best to mark the day that the one who would finally stand up and say "I won't wear pants if I don't feel like it or if I accidentally lose them, dammit!" was born? How best to honor a legend in her own mind?

Please send suggestions in a 7.46" x 23.583333" envelope, along with $6.99 to cover the cost of cheap chardonnay and a bag of skittles to:

IWD Suggestions
6969 Underpants Crossing, Suite 3.14159
Pootertoot City, MN

Send all suggestions "Attention Douchebags" or just cover the outside with Dorito dust- it'll get to the right place.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I plan on celebrating it by bathing in sauerkraut juice. Then I shall don my grass pants and I shall chase neighborhood children and stray senior citizens with a sharp stick until I keel over with a non fatal heart attack. When they revive me on the table in the emergency room I shall jump up and shout, "Praise Whiskey, goddess of cheese filled foods! Let her unnaturally bright white skin lead us to salvation! Woo hoo Whiskey!"

So in other words, it'll be a pretty normal day for me.

Lollie said...

Everyone must make out with swine.

What?! Too soon?

SkylersDad said...

I am thinking that the media will be available in every timezone starting in Australia just like they did for the new millennium to cover all of the expected carnage.

Mommy Lisa said...

I can't read that clock - I can barely read this blog! Is IWD Sunday or Monday???

I think if it is Sunday I will celebrate with much wine and cursing.

If it is Monday I will just curse the fact that they beyotches vacation is over, leave work early and drink too much wine.

either way IWD wins.

Enjoy my dear - enjoy.

WendyB said...

Anything that involves those little corn things is good with me!

Gwen said...

Hahahahaha! You have "suite pi."

Yes, I DO say that to all the girls.

I will be celebrating in my normal fashion: naked in the dining room with costumes and hats.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I need more finite rules about the celebrating. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll celebrate (with vodka) any holiday on a day ending with the letter Y.

OG said...

this would be the first time I've ever had a desire to be canadian.

Stefanie said...

I was actually just thinking earlier today that I should dig through your archives for that rhubarbtini experiment, it being nearly rhubarb season and all. How nice of you to provide a link to it for me! :-)

boredmando said...

Dollar bill, what is this madness you speak of? We throw loonies, maybe toonies. Though these days I don't see much of the toonie, it seems the second it's in my grasp I go and spend it.

Sundar said...

I plan to warm up (pre-lubricate) for the Dead concert in Chicago (4/5).

Kim said...

I thought every day was Whiskymarie day.
My only plans to celebrate so far include a cape and some prescription drugs - where it goes from there, I'll have to let you know.

John said...

IWD is hands-down my favorite holiday of the year. I will not only be taking off work, but have rented a van for a small pilgrimage to travel to Pootertoot City. AND, for those who want to show their love and loyalty by showing they have a little Captain WhiskeyWench in them, may I suggest changing their Facebook language to "English (Pirate)".

1. Log into FB.
2. scroll to the bottom of the page and click on the "English (US)" link.
3. Change language to "English (Pirate)".


Greta said...

Please tell me no Doritoes were harmed in Le Franzia Riots.

domboy said...

Let's all get drunk and slice the ends of our fingers off.

John said...

Sorry, but IWD is worthy of multiple comments.

As a pure Kraut, IWD IS the time on Sprockets when we dahnce, and the touching of our monkeys is highly encouraged.

In Virginia, IWD is celebrated by going pantless, and the touching of our monkeys is highly encouraged.


i am playing outside said...

blast... boredmando already got to you re: the no dollabills thing, but really, if you had done your research, you would have known that, as well as the fact that what you call "poutine, nachos and chili" is simply refered to in Canada as "pouchilchos" and tastes delicious with a thick coating of tartar sauce and cinnamon. when done, everyone at the table shouts "POUCHILCHOS!" and the traditional Canadian Mountie Dance is performed.

now that you know, i can prepare myself for the wonderful festivities. they will be exciting!

Stacey said...

I was thinking of celebrating the momentous day by simply getting IWD tattooed on my ass crack.

On another note, I knew your birthday was coming up and have already sent you some goodies.

I'll take my brownie points in the form of a bottle of Chardonnay. Thank you.

P.S-I believe you have the most entertaining commenters eve

Stacey said...

My computer just went apeshit at the end of that comment.

So coming back to add that "r" that was left off of my previous comment.

Plus I didn't want John to outdo me by commenting twice

LegalMist said...

Might I suggest drinking way too much champagne, while eating chocolate and/or cheese -- but make someone else cut the damned cheese for you.... **Please** make someone else cut the damned cheese for you! ... and don't forget to lead a pantless conga line through the neighborhood, while shaking your "maracas" and spitting on the cars of the snotty neighbors you hate ... you could also have a pirate pinata (it's not a birthday without a pinata), but I'd recommend that particular endeavor early on, before your guests drink too much of the champagne. We don't want anyone to get beaned with the baseball bat.