Sunday, April 26, 2009

I blame the cheese.

Warning! Grossness ahead! For realsies!
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Told you so.

Kids, learn from my mistakes: Don't attempt cutting the cheese (literally, and I guess figuratively too) whilst drunkety drunk drunk.
Yes, I cut through my fingernail. Yes, I shaved off a good chunk of the tip. Yes, I am as coordinated as a one-armed, blindfolded monkey on roller skates. Yes, I am a culinary "professional". Yes, I am an idiot.

30 comments:

Sundar said...

If you think you're an idiot, what would you call somebody who mistook a can of Pledge with Pam and proceeded to spray it on a loaf of french bread and put it on 350 degree oven??

CDP said...

If Sundar's story is true, then that person has far outdone you on the idiocy scale. Call yourself an idiot? Hmpf.

Whiskeymarie said...

Sundar- I think we need to start a club. Or a support group. Or a fight club. Or something.

Was the bread lemony fresh?

Some Guy said...

I cut off a chunk of fingertip once, but I didn't get the nail like you did. That looks nasty!

180|360 said...

Yeesh, mama! I can't perform my job too well when I'm drunkety-drunk either. :) I regularly microplane my skin off, but its never looked quite that bad.

glorianabeausoleil said...

Yes. You are an idiot. But I've just been Facebooking while drunk. Now I'm off to Red Lobster! How does that compare?

You are a brilliant idiot, Whisk. And I adore every little bit of your posts. Don't stop. Please.

SkylersDad said...

I had a friend who put a french cooking knife through his hand between the thumb and index finger while "attempting to open a can of motor oil".

You are but an amateur on the idiot scale my dear.

Bubs said...

Ouch. I made a similar cut once, similar circumstances, only it was my middle finger and resulted in some stitches and hilarious bandaged middle finger.

Hope yours heals well and quickly.

WendyB said...

Owwwwwwwwwwwww!

John said...

What kind of cheese?

punchlinewalking said...

Oh yeah, that looks like the work of an evil cheese. They're always going for the fingertips.

Kim said...

I have to admit my butthole clenched up when I saw that picture; it's my reaction to a lot of things.
Fucking OUCH.
But please don't let this turn you against cheese. It's one of the only good things left in the world.

Student/Teacher said...

I should take a picture of all my food related battle wounds. I often get sand looks when I wear tank tops and/or short sleeves. I have so many burns on my forearms that the scars look like I used to cut myself while listening to Radiohead.

diatribes and dish said...

Who hasn't cut themselves while cutting cheese while drunk? People who haven't lived. That's who.

Stacey said...

When you said grossness and cheese I assumed this was going to be a story about how you got all massively contstipated and then were finally able to go and...well nevermind.
Lets just say I was pleased to see a cut finger and nothing else.

If it helps any I cut my thumb while trying to push a potato through a fancy schmancy french fry cutter thing. It hurts like a sonafabitch. Small and stingy like a papercut.

Gwen said...

Smooth move, exlax. I'm going to assume this explains why you didn't answer when I drunk dialed you this weekend.

i am playing outside said...

good lord

audra said...

yikes. i did something like that once...drunkenly preparing a swank dinner for some friends. chopping away at some thyme with a brand new & super sharp knife, i felt a tiny "knick" in my fingertip, & went on about my business. not more than a minute later i realize i'm bleeding all over everything & had cut the corner of my finger clean off...along with a good portion of the nail.
that shit bled for 4 days. talk about drama!

Chiada said...

Ouchee! Ooh, so sorry for you! Hope you had some vodka to soak it in. Or should that be whiskey? ;)

Fancy Schmancy said...

Oooooh, I feel your pain, my sista. I cut and/or burn myself every time I drink and cook.

ps said...

oh my darling. i am so sorry about your beautiful ring finger!
p.s. i had to make my blog private for a while - send my your email addie so i can let you in. xoxo

Suze said...

So I'm guessing there will be no cheese with the wine? Damn it!

Gretta said...

Things not to do whilst drunk: anything with sharp objects, and iTunes.

3carnations said...

My husband cut himself opening a pack of cheese while sober. And I'M the clumsy one at our house. Go figure.

Anonymous said...

If anything you are just drunk and hungry. That's all, Whiskey. You're not alone either. I drunk cook at least three times a week. Okay, five. Last week I was peeling some veggies and peeled the nail of my middle finger down to the quick. Mother of pearl, that hurt...The next morning. I didn't feel a damn thing when I did it. The week before that I grabbed a caserole right out of the oven; no mitts, realized what I did and threw it at the ground. "Splat", all over my bare feet. See, now that's just stupid shit right there.

Well, I hope you heal up soon.

-Much Anonymous love to you

John said...

Bleedin' pirate wenches make me all hot in me pantaloons.

Kissybooboo. : )

T.J. said...

I'm bothered by the angle. See, when I cut stuff, the knife is usually perpendicular, not parallel to my fingers.

Were you perhaps using a paper cutter to slice this renegade cheese?

I as merely for information.

Anonymous said...

Just a question and I'm surprised nobody asked, but did you get to eat the cheese eventually? I mean, just wipe that shit off with a paper towel and serve, right?

nancypearlwannabe said...

Aaaaaah! I should have heeded the grossness warning!

Idea #527 said...

OUCH!!! I hope it feels better!!