Sunday, April 5, 2009

You can take that picture of me off the milk cartons...for now.

I know what you're thinking- "Where did that silly twat Whiskey disappear off to? Was she abducted by a midget nudist cult? Did she get lost on the way to purchase replacement parts for her tricycle? Did she accidentally get trapped in the washing machine...again?"

Happily, the answers (this time, anyways) are no, no and yes- but only for an hour or two until I sobered up and figured out I wasn't in a spaceship.

A brief summary of how I've been, what I've been up to, and the ridiculous things I sometimes do to fill my time. I've arranged them in that "bullet form" that I've been hearing so much about on the world wide interwebs these days.
  • I went back to work this week after a 2.5 week break. Let me just say that a two point five week break does nothing for a person to make them want to go back to the grind. The schedule I had so finely tuned over break (sleep, sloth, internet shopping, nappy time, cat snuggling and more internet shopping) seems to conflict with the "expectations" my "employer" has as far as "work" is concerned. While I am eternally grateful that someone is willing to pay me to be my fabulous self, i'm wondering if I can't work out some sort of arrangement with our local lottery officials. I'll keep you posted.
  • I did the whole "winter/spring clothing swap" last night- I packed away all the warm stuff like my monkey hair sweaters and my ovary scarves, then I unpacked my hiking thongs and dolphin skin sandals. In a continuing effort to beat my soul silly and crush my hopes and dreams into a gooey pulp, the Universe saw fit to have me wake up to a nice blanket of snow this morning. Fuck it, I'm still wearing my bedazzled hotpants and rainbow tube top- I guess I'll just have to wear a giant down parka over the whole ensemble for a few days.
  • We went to "I Love You, Man" Friday night. Loved this movie- yes, I know it's the same people doing the same things they always do, but holy hell it was funny and that's all I care about. As the trailers were running and just as the movie started, two girls right next to me were TALKING REALLY LOUD AND GOSSIPING ABOUT THAT GIRL, YOU KNOW- THAT GIRL IN OUR LAB CLASS THAT KNOWS THAT GUY THAT KNOWS YOUR BROTHER...blah, blah, blah. I could tell everyone around us was wanting to tell them to shut the hell up, but being that this is "nice" MN and we were upstairs at the Grandview which is a REALLY small theater, no one said boo. But I'm not "nice" like other people, so when the one girl turned to say something else totally pointless and interesting only to people who think Jessica Simpson is a good actress, I looked right at her and gave her a loud and obnoxious "SSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!". She looked pissed, whispered something to her friend, then they got up and left. I was happy until a group of latecomers took their place and the girl who sat next to me had breath so amazingly foul and potent (think: not brushing your teeth for a week- the very same week you go on an "all cool ranch dorito, burnt coffee and black licorice diet" foul). Every time I dared to turn my head ever so slightly to the left, I was punched in the face with corpse breath. Dude, your friends suck if they aren't informing you of this fact- get new ones immediately.
  • My sixth-grade "boyfriend" sent me a friend request on Facebook this week. He seems to have blossomed into his own and is no longer into acid-washed jeans. I accepted is request.
  • We spontaneously purchased a super-retro shelving/storage unit for the dining room today- it has smoked glass and chrome, a la "70's cocaine den/key party room". Pictures to follow as we spent a retarded amount of money on it (retarded for us, anyways) and need to get some mileage out of it. Other than totally gutting and re-doing our serial killer-esque second bathroom and getting carpet installed in a few rooms, "Operation Fix This Fucking House" is nicely on track once more. Well, at least until I have to put on my wig start working the corner to pay for it...again.
  • Beyond that, and in no particular order: Wine, Frenchy food (and by default, delicious Frenchy cheese, Seattle John- in case you were wondering), getting my first giant poppable zit in a year on my chin, awesome 2-bloody mary brunch including piggies in the blanket and cheesy potatoes with my pals Blondie and Pious Prius at the Triple Rock with our favorite tattooed-face waitress, plucking random hairs, more episodes of American Chopper, homemade pizza, playing dress up with my summer clothes, scooping cat turds out of the litter box, a tiny bit of work stuff, falling asleep on the couch and waking up at 3:00 AM with a cat sleeping on my crotch, taking a bath so hot I worried that I cooked my eggs, cleaning house, getting a visit from the Jahovas Witness that seems hell-bent on "saving" me despite my having informed him that I am devoutly athiest who I humor because I like his moxie, about 47 loads of laundry...
  • ...and just getting outside when it was nice this past week, smiling at the sunshine and anyone passing by, going for a walk and being ridiculously grateful for my awesome, flawed, blessed, often stupid, full of great people, somewhat charmed even when it's somewhat cursed, funny, honest, happy, lazy, gooey, brilliant, retarded, busy, slothful and wonderful, wonderful life.
I guess that today I'm in a rare mood and just content to be me.

Happy Sunday, my stinky-breath, furry Facebook friends. Happy, happy Sunday.



SkylersDad said...

That whole story sounds like it's all made up. You got trapped by the cow when you tried cow tipping again, didn't you?

Dr Zibbs said...

I wasn't going to see this movie but I will trust your opinion.

If it ain't good - you owe me $8.

diatribes and dish said...

I'm drunk, so I completely stopped paying attention to this post after you mentioned the Paul Ruud movie. I like him. I think he's seeeeexxxxxxxxyyyyyyy. That is all I got.

Imnotbenny said...

And all this time I thought the minjas had you.

I'm somewhat disappointed that there were, in fact, no minjas, but I'm pretty sure I'll get over it.

Word verification of the day: SNARPLE. I think that means ferocious muppet or something.

i am playing outside said...

i approve of everything here, other than the people in the movie theatre that were not in your immediate party. even the other normal people. i dont like them.

ekc said...

1. I certainly hope the French Cheese selection involved a triple-cream brie (i.e. Delice). If we are going to die of something, it might as well be Delice and Wine!
2. Still waiting to hear from the Seaside lottery officials - I'll keep you posted as to my progress.
3. Ex-boyfriends and Facebook = dangerous territory. Take my word for it.

T.J. said...


Kitty on kitty (yeah, I cleaned the language up) and no guys there to enjoy it?

What a waste.

WendyB said...

This is more than I've accomplished in the past three years.

Kim said...

I have to agree with WendyB - as a person who just came back to work from a week off, I am sad to say I accomplished not much besides the sloth part. Though there's a lot to be said for that as well.
SO GLAD YOU'RE BACK; I kid not when I say life is not as good without you. I LOVE YOU, MAN!

Student/Teacher said...

I want to be your Facebook pal. *pouts*

Some Guy said...

Wow! I scooped cat turds, too! I feel some sort of cosmic link between us.

Gwen said...

How did you get stuck in the wash machine? Were you trying to poop in it again?

Whiskeymarie said...

Skylersdad- Yes, you outed me. Picking zits just sounded so much more glamourous, I couldn't resist.

Zibbs- Have a drink before you go- it will help. But if you don't like it, is $8 in pennies OK?

notbenny- Mingets, ninjas, all scary things.

D&d- he IS tasty, but for some reason in this movie I was kind of "meh" about him, sexually speaking.

iapo- I hate "other" people too! Down with other people!

ekc- 1. Just some non-delice brie (so, not as good, just OK).
2. Let me know when you have that vacation house in Seaside ready for me. I can stay all summer, right?
3. Since he was only a sixth-grade BF and we never actually touched one another, I gave him a pass. He's actually really cute now.

T.J.- I love how your mind works- Meow.

WendyB- Trust me, it wasn't really all that much. The fact that I counted picking a zit as an accomplishment pretty much sums my life up.

Kim- I miss you too- I so need to get caught up on your blog!

John- Moo.

Student/Teacher- search my e-mail address here (in the "about me" section) and let me know it's you- I'll totally accept you, my friend.

SomeGuy- I like to think that we are all cosmically linked by cat turds.

Gwen- Shhh...Don't tell anyone, but yes. I get lost in my own house sometimes...

Sizzle said...

Man, I want 2.5 weeks off!

Anonymous said...

I mean tile of course!!

Anonymous said...

Wow, glad you had a good weekend! How did the title floor come out?

I went to a blues festival this past Saturday. On the beach. It was soooo nice. Perfect weather.

Now we have freeze warnings for the next two nights. WTF??

Oh, and my seeds are going the same route as yours. Would have been cheaper for me to buy them at the market!!


Stefanie said...

I have left the bins containing my summer clothes sitting in my living room ever since I dragged them out to pull things out for my Mexico trip in February. At first, this was just due to laziness, but then I decided that leaving them out was my optimistic way of assuming I would need those clothes again soon. It seems this plan didn't work out for me any more effectively than the early closet swap did for you. Oh well.

Mariposa said...

Alibis not so convincing! C'mon be honest! LOL

Minnesota Girl said...

i loved that movie too. it cracked me up, and i'm a hard sell when it comes to comedy.

i think the bf missed "mn nice" class...the last time we were at a movie with chattering patrons he turned around and told them to "shut the eff up!".

it worked like a charm

Greta said...

Whiskeymarie. Your writing is beautiful.

Lisa said...

We can expect pix of the shelving when?

Anonymous said...

whiskey, I'm trying to sneak a picture of the midget electrician. he must be some sort of magical leprechaun though... I haven't seen him yet but somehow the re-wiring is getting done. I've started wondering if he's in my walls looking at me. I'm thinking of getting fired from my job so I can stay home this week and catch a glimpse of him. If I find him I'll steal his gold and share it with you. you deserve better than the lottery.

Your dedicated servant:
Sir Pious Prius.

BTW: I don't know how you do it. After brunch I barely made it home and passed out on my couch for 4.5 hours. Looking at a computer, much less blogging on it, would have made me barf in techni-hypercolor.

I am in awe.

domboy said...

It’s a wonder you still have time for us non-mortals. I keep getting requests on Facebook and I’m never sure how to deal with them all. I loved them all sincerely at the time, but if I expose them all at the same time to each other, won’t that start some kind of a fight?

Red said...

You have an awesome attitude, WM.

I [heart] Paul Rudd. Ever since _Clueless_. He's in that movie, right? I'll tell EG we should check it out.