Happily, the answers (this time, anyways) are no, no and yes- but only for an hour or two until I sobered up and figured out I wasn't in a spaceship.
A brief summary of how I've been, what I've been up to, and the ridiculous things I sometimes do to fill my time. I've arranged them in that "bullet form" that I've been hearing so much about on the world wide interwebs these days.
- I went back to work this week after a 2.5 week break. Let me just say that a two point five week break does nothing for a person to make them want to go back to the grind. The schedule I had so finely tuned over break (sleep, sloth, internet shopping, nappy time, cat snuggling and more internet shopping) seems to conflict with the "expectations" my "employer" has as far as "work" is concerned. While I am eternally grateful that someone is willing to pay me to be my fabulous self, i'm wondering if I can't work out some sort of arrangement with our local lottery officials. I'll keep you posted.
- I did the whole "winter/spring clothing swap" last night- I packed away all the warm stuff like my monkey hair sweaters and my ovary scarves, then I unpacked my hiking thongs and dolphin skin sandals. In a continuing effort to beat my soul silly and crush my hopes and dreams into a gooey pulp, the Universe saw fit to have me wake up to a nice blanket of snow this morning. Fuck it, I'm still wearing my bedazzled hotpants and rainbow tube top- I guess I'll just have to wear a giant down parka over the whole ensemble for a few days.
- We went to "I Love You, Man" Friday night. Loved this movie- yes, I know it's the same people doing the same things they always do, but holy hell it was funny and that's all I care about. As the trailers were running and just as the movie started, two girls right next to me were TALKING REALLY LOUD AND GOSSIPING ABOUT THAT GIRL, YOU KNOW- THAT GIRL IN OUR LAB CLASS THAT KNOWS THAT GUY THAT KNOWS YOUR BROTHER...blah, blah, blah. I could tell everyone around us was wanting to tell them to shut the hell up, but being that this is "nice" MN and we were upstairs at the Grandview which is a REALLY small theater, no one said boo. But I'm not "nice" like other people, so when the one girl turned to say something else totally pointless and interesting only to people who think Jessica Simpson is a good actress, I looked right at her and gave her a loud and obnoxious "SSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!". She looked pissed, whispered something to her friend, then they got up and left. I was happy until a group of latecomers took their place and the girl who sat next to me had breath so amazingly foul and potent (think: not brushing your teeth for a week- the very same week you go on an "all cool ranch dorito, burnt coffee and black licorice diet" foul). Every time I dared to turn my head ever so slightly to the left, I was punched in the face with corpse breath. Dude, your friends suck if they aren't informing you of this fact- get new ones immediately.
- My sixth-grade "boyfriend" sent me a friend request on Facebook this week. He seems to have blossomed into his own and is no longer into acid-washed jeans. I accepted is request.
- We spontaneously purchased a super-retro shelving/storage unit for the dining room today- it has smoked glass and chrome, a la "70's cocaine den/key party room". Pictures to follow as we spent a retarded amount of money on it (retarded for us, anyways) and need to get some mileage out of it. Other than totally gutting and re-doing our serial killer-esque second bathroom and getting carpet installed in a few rooms, "Operation Fix This Fucking House" is nicely on track once more. Well, at least until I have to put on my wig start working the corner to pay for it...again.
- Beyond that, and in no particular order: Wine, Frenchy food (and by default, delicious Frenchy cheese, Seattle John- in case you were wondering), getting my first giant poppable zit in a year on my chin, awesome 2-bloody mary brunch including piggies in the blanket and cheesy potatoes with my pals Blondie and Pious Prius at the Triple Rock with our favorite tattooed-face waitress, plucking random hairs, more episodes of American Chopper, homemade pizza, playing dress up with my summer clothes, scooping cat turds out of the litter box, a tiny bit of work stuff, falling asleep on the couch and waking up at 3:00 AM with a cat sleeping on my crotch, taking a bath so hot I worried that I cooked my eggs, cleaning house, getting a visit from the Jahovas Witness that seems hell-bent on "saving" me despite my having informed him that I am devoutly athiest who I humor because I like his moxie, about 47 loads of laundry...
- ...and just getting outside when it was nice this past week, smiling at the sunshine and anyone passing by, going for a walk and being ridiculously grateful for my awesome, flawed, blessed, often stupid, full of great people, somewhat charmed even when it's somewhat cursed, funny, honest, happy, lazy, gooey, brilliant, retarded, busy, slothful and wonderful, wonderful life.
Happy Sunday, my stinky-breath, furry Facebook friends. Happy, happy Sunday.