Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Yup- looks like another flare-up. I'm gonna need some ointment here, folks...
Suicidal memes, part deux:
(This is the point where I remind y'all that my inner stubborn leprechaun flatly refuses to follow the rules on these things. I post no rules, I tag no one as last time I did that I had a hell of a time getting the smell off of my fingers.)
I was tagged by The Girl Wonder (who happens to write a very funny, witty blog. She's totally smarter than I am and she makes pizza and ice cream a lot. She's my kind of gal.)
I'm supposed to tell you ten things about myself that you probably don't know but are completely true.
Holy hell, after 2.5 years of blogging, I've told you everything from what my bra size is to that story where I accidentally cut the inside of my nostril with a pair of scissors. I've discussed my lady bits, I pretty much give you a running account of what I eat, I've posted numerous hideous pictures and embarrassing stories from my youth, and I regularly talk about poo in all forms.
I don't know if there are even ten things left, but like #499 out of 500 in the "World's Largest Gang-bang", I may as well just give it a go at this point. How bad can it be, really?:
#1) I don't own any sort of mp3 player. No ipod, no Zune, nothing. Nor do I have any desire to have one. I have a hard enough time paying attention to what I'm doing when I'm out biking or walking- the last thing I need is more distractions. I'm the kind of person who would run into traffic chasing a butterfly that, upon further inspection, turns out to be a moth- I don't need Air Supply cranked at full volume to increase my odds of becoming asphalt hamburger.
#2) I had a pet mouse when I was a teenager. He was black and I named him Darby, as in Darby Crash from the Germs. My Mom was disturbed at first, but eventually she took a shining to the little guy and regularly played with him and gave him baths. She even got him a little Xmas stocking and bought him gifts. He pooped constantly and had a way of spraying his smelly pee out of his cage and onto the wall, but we sure loved that little turdlet. He died in the winter, and I wanted to bury him proper-like, so I wrapped him up, put him in a ziploc, and stored him in the freezer until Spring. I really should have warned Mom about this, as the day she found him in there was interesting, to say the least.
#3) I like to take historical home tours by myself.
#4) The Mr. and I are talking about eventually buying a small farm on the outskirts of Duluth. And by "eventually" we mean sooner, not later. He actually initiated the idea (anyone who knows him knows how completely out of character this idea is coming from him), and I would totally be on board. I could realistically see doing this in the next 10 years, and it would make me ecstatically happy. I could finally raise funny-looking chickens, maybe some goats, and garden to my heart's content. Plus, I wouldn't have those nosy neighbors that get so uptight about seeing a grown woman practicing her "ode to squirrels" interpretive dance in the front yard.
#5) Shit- I'm only up to 5? Hmmm...OK. I have successfully weaned myself out of a raging coffee habit. I still drink the stuff occasionally, but pretty much only on the weekends. I was up to about 40-50 ounces a day, which may not be a lot to some of you, but it made me jittery, yet I had no energy whatsoever, and I'd fly into the rage cage if someone so much as looked at me funny. I figured it was only a matter of time before I snapped and strangled someone with their own underpants for having the NERVE to greet me with a cheery "good morning!" Well, that and I'm pretty convinced it was slowly eating a hole clear through my belly.
#6) In elementary school, I purposely lost a spelling bee just because I didn't want to be the "dork who won the spelling bee". I stand by my decision.
#7) I sent off the first item I've ever sold on Ebay yesterday. I see a new addiction coming on. It's not so much about the $$, but more in that my stuff is going to people that really want it, and that makes me happy. Before you know it, we'll be living in an empty house, and I'll be rolling on the floor muttering, "Just one more fix, please! I just need to sell one small thing, just to , you know- get me through the day. Help a girl out!" I see Ebay sellers rehab in my very near future.
#8) When I was 18, naive, and fresh in college, I met a crazy guy who wanted me to take pictures of him to help jump-start a possible career in porn. Since I had no boundaries and thought he was funny, I agreed. He was rather, ahem, well-gifted in the area that is most appreciated by this industry, and I took a bunch o'photos of it/him. We didn't know where to develop them, so he said to drop them at Target, which I did. Then I forgot to pick them up. Oops. We stopped hanging out shortly thereafter, and as far as I know he never picked them up either. I wonder what ever happened to them and if his "career" ever got off the ground?
#9) Speaking of porn, when I was young I found my Dad's stash of porn in the basement. It was a pile of 6-7 Penthouse magazines from the 70's that he was very clearly trying to hide. Of course I looked at them, and for many years after that I thought that sex involved roller skates, being on a yacht, bananas, or being naked in the woods. Or all of the above. Come to think of it, maybe I still do...
#10) I eat eggs in some shape or form probably 6 times a week. I never get sick of them. I expect to morph into the Chicken lady any time now. Be afraid.
That's it! I'm done and I'm to wash the blood off my hands. I've killed two memes in two days- I better stop before I reach serial killer status. Plus, the freezer is full and the neighbors are starting to get suspicious.
Happy Wednesday, my bloody little nuggets of random information. Happy Wednesday.