Thursday, July 23, 2009
I'm really not smarter than a fifth-grader, it seems.
I am horrified, laughing so hard I snort, and marginally impressed/embarrassed that I have lived exactly 38 years on this earth thinking that New York City, being Eastern Standard Time, is not TWO hours ahead of little ol' me here in MN, Central Time like I had convinced myself of, but it is only ONE hour. Um...duh. ALL my life I had believed this to be the case. ALL my life I have thought this. Sadly, I am not lying.
Being that I forget what day it is and did I remember to put deodorant on with astounding regularity, this shouldn't be that big of a surprise, but taking into account that I'm THIRTY EIGHT FREAKING YEARS OLD AND STILL MARGINALLY SMRT THANK-YOU VERY MUCH, even I'm a little shocked. The world as I knew it has changed. New Yorkers are no longer ringing in the new year two hours ahead of everyone else in that smug way they do (kidding!), but instead they are one step closer to being...
...Midwestern. In my eyes anyways. The horror!
I was informed tonight, by the Mr. that I have been horribly, horribly wrong in my old ways of thinking. After he stopped laughing and wondering if he should get some sort of tax break for marrying me, he looked at me like, "really? You REALLY didn't know?"
The look on my laughing, teary, snorting face pretty much answered that.
How did I find out, you ask? What shattered all of my previously held illusions?
The Fashion Show. On fucking Bravo TV.
When the winner was finally announced (yay, Anna! My choice won! Woo!) at 10:00 PM my time, and (I think) the show was live, I mentioned to the Mr. how nerve-racking it must have been for the finalists to have to wait until midnight to find out who won.
He looked at me with that smug look of superiority that husbands get when they get to actually be the winner/weiner for once, and he says, "What time exactly do you think it is there?"
Him: (rolls eyes) "They're only an hour ahead, you know. Remember- Eastern, Central, Mountain and Pacific time? Remember? CAN'T YOU REMEMBER SHIT FROM ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, DUMMY? CAN YOU ADD? HOW ABOUT CURSIVE WRITING, LITTLE MISS SHORT BUS????"
OK, I may have embellished a bit there.
So, yeah. I am freely admitting here and now that I, Whiskeymarie VonPartypants- smrt girl extrordinaire, monkey whisperer and underpants savant- I did not know the complexities and subtle nuances of the US time zone map. Is there some sort of support group for this? I'm all confused inside and my no-no parts feel funny...
I might be out for a while as it appears I am being sent to "Multiplication Tables Summer Camp."
Wish me luck- I'm going to try and make a crocheted penis warmer at craft time, and I'm hoping to lead the sing-along in a rousing round of "Erotic City."
Happy Thursday/Friday my little confused nuggets of not right in the head. Happy T/F.