Monday, July 7, 2008

Tomorrow: Paint drying! Grass growing! And stuff!

Jury duty, Day 1:


I rode Dirk (my sexy new bike- and yes John, his last name is Diggler) to the gorgeous art-deco building that houses the Ramsey County Courthouse in lovely downtown St. Paul at 8:30 this morning.
As I was passing through security, I caught a snippet of the conversation the two security guards were having.


*Sketch from the R. Kelly trial.

Security guard #1: "I just wasn't that into this movie."
Security guard #2: "And you call yourself a Will Smith fan? Humph."

In the jury room- a windowless, fluorescent-lit demonstration in oppressive institutional interior decorating- I checked in, took my "Guide to how you got suckered into Jury Duty" pamphlet and plopped into a very uncomfortable chair.

And waited.

And waited.

Then my butt went numb.

Then we were given a 15-minute "break". We all chuckled and looked around. A break from what? Ass-widening? Blank-staring? October 2006 Better Homes and Gardens reading?

Then we came back and waited some more. I watched the twitchy guy to my right get up, sit down, get up again, sit down again, get up and leave the room for 30 seconds, sit down again, get up for a glass of water, sit down again, get up again and just stand there, sit down again, get up and ask the woman at the desk a question, sit down again...
At least I wasn't sitting next to him. I guess that's a plus.

Then more waiting. I listened to the grizzled older woman who seems to have made a career out of jury duty discussing with anyone who would listen how last time this happened, and last time that happened, and when she was here last time they did things this way...
Hell, at $20/day, who wouldn't want to be a regular?

Then more waiting.

No one got called AT ALL.

Then my group was dismissed at 11:10. I apologized to the people sitting around me who had to stay, but I suspected they were grateful I was leaving as I was really sweaty from the bike ride and probably smelled. Plus, my allergies are haywire today so I kept sniffling and blowing. And it was so quiet in there that every time I took a sip of my iced coffee, I felt like everyone in the room could hear me swallow. And my hair was really fucked up from the bike ride and I was feeling self-conscious about it even though there were several people there in what appeared to be pajamas.

Riveting, I know.

Maybe tomorrow I will be able to give you a play-by-play of someone picking their nose.

It's going to be a long week, folks. Get comfortable.
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34 comments:

3carnations said...

THE LAST TIME I was called for jury duty, we were dismissed at about 11:15, too. There was a free cappuccino machine, with gas station-style cappuccino in a variety of flavors. I tried, and adored, Butterfinger flavor. $20 a day AND free cappuccino? Who wouldn't want to be a regular, indeed? Heh.

Actually, I would be interested in actually BEING on a jury, to see what it's all about...as long as it doesn't turn into a mafia trial where I'm getting "suggestions" that I should find the defendant not guilty.

McGone said...

Ah! This explains that other blog I was reading this morning. Here's a snippet...

"While we were waiting, Sweaty bike girl just sat there, staring at me. So I got up and she was still watching me, so I sat down, got up again, sat down again, got up (this time I left the room for about 30 seconds), sat down again, got up for a glass of water, sat down again, got up again and just stood there, sat down again, got up and ask the woman at the desk if sweaty girl was still staring at me, sat down again... Tomorrow I'm going to sit right next to her just to see what her problem is."

Who knew jury duty was so riveting?!

T said...

Ah, jury duty. I have gotten called every four years like clockwork. Only had to show up once, and like you, NONE of us got called to a case.

I really need to stop voting.

John said...

RE: "...they were grateful I was leaving as I was really sweaty from the bike ride and probably smelled"

Sheeahh! What the hell do you expect riding Dirk all the way to the courthouse? And you had just-f**ked hair too?

You're a wild one, Ms. VonPartypants.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

WOW man, Ive alwyas said Ive WANTED to go to jury duty, but I guess I dont?

Perfectly Shelly said...

I loved jury duty. Only my pay is $18 a day for any day actually SERVED ON A JURY (4, thank you) and $12 for appearing and not getting chosen (like a reject).

I'm nosy, and love the trial shows and can't wait for my foray NEXT week back into jury duty (we serve 6 weeks, and have to call in to see if we go in...I don't go back until the 15th---and I'm excited. It's far more interesting than work). I'll drink the county's soda pop and chew the fat with other potential jurors. One sells homemade bead bracelets. **sigh** she may be my next crush. Oh, and my boss's MOTHER is a juror too and she is a gem.....I've had a BLAST with her...much to his chagrin...his personal life and work life are meeting head on, and he HATES it......muwahahahahahaha!!!!

nancypearlwannabe said...

This makes me really, really glad I have never been called for jury duty. REALLY glad.

pissed off patricia said...

My husband was called a month or so ago. He had to be there at 8am. He had to stay until a quarter of five, when he was then picked to serve on the jury the next two or three days.

He also mentioned the clothes some people were wearing. We decided maybe they dressed that way on purpose, thinking they would be excused for improper clothing.

L Sass said...

I have evaded NYC jury duty by postponing my service until after I'm safely moved to Chicago.

Knock on wood...

BigBottomMcGee said...

My friend has jury duty today, too! He had to drive up for it yesterday....hmmmm. I would totally guess that he's the fidgety guy.

Sean in Nola said...

I am now so looking forward to this in November. ANy advice is apprciated. Have fun

Stacey said...

I've never been asked before...uh but thanks, now I know what I'm not missing.

Suze said...

The "last time" I went they picked me. I felt like jumping up and down screaming - but I was afraid they'd then dismiss me. Fingers crossed that you get picked on the jury.

BTW, we sat and waited and listened to people pee through the paper walls in the bathroom located right in the jury room until 12:30 and then they started the trial. WTF? Where was lunch????

Stefanie said...

I have never been called for jury duty. And every time I admit that, I know I'm jinxing myself and I'll probably get the notice tomorrow. Meanwhile, I'm glad you're here to fill me in on what to expect.

i am playing outside said...

i do not look forward to this happening to me someday. although if i become a teacher like i plan, i think they get out of it. sweet.

Moe Wanchuk said...

Yo Whiskey...make sure you make it fun.

When the Judge hits his gavel and says "Court is in Session". Just Jump and Scream..........

GUILTY!

Lollie said...

Jury duty...the only reason I might consider letting my Canadian citizenship go...

MommasWorld said...

Glory, the internet hates me today. Let's try this again.

I only received a Jury Duty letter once in my whole life. They didn't pay us where I lived at the time. They said "if your employer wants to pay you that is up to them. Or you could use your sick/vacation time." I was pissed! What the tootie-fruity is up with that?!

Luckily, they had a call in number where I could call to see if they really needed me. Thank goodness they didn't.

pistols at dawn said...

I feel like I was there. Well, except for the smelly part.

Ghost Dansing said...

like perry mason

wafelenbak said...

Considering the only time I got called for jury duty I had to go to the south side of Chicago and serve at the Cook County courthouse (actually, I didn't serve, I got sent home after like, 8 tedious hours of sitting), I feel I paid my dues. I bought my very first cell phone the night before because I was so terrified of getting lost "down there".
I'm sure I've done gone jinxed myself now. :p

Renaissance Woman said...

Can't wait for the nose picking story!

I have never been called for jury duty and always thought it would be fun...that's for clearing that up for me.

180|360 said...

I've never been called either which makes me feel left out after hearing about your exciting day. And $20 a day is more than I'm making now. :)

Katrin said...

Glad that you're back, so un-glad that you had to sit through all this. I'm glad that jury duty is so rare here! Maybe next time you could bring your knitting kit?

Sornie said...

Ooooh, boogers! Green or brown? You MUST tell!

Mommy Lisa said...

If you DO get selected for a juicy trial - Like my gal Heather - Remember to turn OFF your cell phone.

She got busted not once, but TWICE and the second time was during closing arguments by the defense attorney - HE WAS PO'D - She best not EVER need his services.

She almost got put in contempt of court!!!

surviving myself said...

I want to hang out with Guard #2.

Letty Cruz said...

Oh baby, at least your jury waiting-hostage room wasn't overseen by clerks who LOVE Rachel Ray. And the NOISE -- Rachel Ray yammering YUMMO and EVOO at full volume while the 200-plus overflow potential jurors smacked gum, bitched into their cell phones, and smoked in the patio with the propped-open glass door because there were just so many us I guess they were afraid we'd stampede crashing through the glass in a moment of peak claustrophobia.

aaaaaaaah! But felt sooo good to make it out of there about 3 pm (judge late) soon as they found out I work for lawyers :)

-- and you have a knack for making even paint dry exciting and funny!

Bubs said...

Bravo for doing your civic duty. Inspiring, wasn't it?

My dad got called for jury duty about 2 years after I became a cop. He got called to serve in the same district that hears cases from my department. When they reviewed the questionnaire,they saw that he had a family member in law enforcement, and they asked my dad if there was any reason he could think of that he would not be an objective juror.

He answered: "Yes. My son tells me about the cases they work on, and I happen to know that the police don't arrest anyone if they're not guilty".

He was promptly dismissed, and disappointed. He really wanted to serve on a jury.

domboy said...

Why do they call you all in? Is it because they don't know if there are going to be any potential criminals or not that day?

Margie Blystone said...

WEIRD... While I was reading that next to last line, I was totally picking my nose!
*eerie psychic music playing in my head*

diatribes and dish said...

i'm actually jealous ... i'd love a full week of pleasure reading.

minijonb said...

i think i'd lose it while doing jury duty. they'd have to ship me off to a padded room and throw away the key.

Angela said...

I've been summoned a couple times, but have been dismissed over the phone before I even had to go in. Which was nice. My dad asked me if I've ever read a complete newspaper before, and said that in jury duty, you will. Front-to-back, cover-to-cover, word-for-word. Not my idea of a good time.