Sunday, July 20, 2008

I didn't post the "less than sane post", and that has made all the difference.

I keep several notepads at my desk at all times, and very often I write down blog ideas so as not to forget them.

Sometimes my ideas are less than stellar.

Sometimes I am drunk when I think of them.

Sometimes I am just a tard.

Here, for your entertainment, are actual blog post ideas that just...didn't make the cut, exactly as I had them written down:
  • "I decided to try something new, so I'm blogging naked." I'm not quite sure how this one would have worked, but for once I'm really, really glad that I didn't follow through on something. Plus, I don't like the idea of anyone (even me) sitting on my furry desk chair naked.
  • "Why do teenagers smell so funny?" Um, yeah. I'm not really sure what inspired this one, but I'm pretty sure vodka was involved.
  • "Kitty Konversations" I hear you all thanking me for sparing you this one, and you're welcome. I had even planned out what potential conversations my cats would have if they could talk. One involved butt sniffing and the other was a debate on whether or not I should be kissing them on the mouth the way I do.
  • "Ask a truck stop hooker" Sort of a "dear Abby" post. I might still use this one.
  • "Why I don't trust people with small feet." This one was scrapped pretty much because I knew that it would only serve to prove my mental instabilities and the fact that I am one bump on the head away from saving my toenail clippings in a jar and wearing tin foil as clothing.
  • "Laundry day fashion show." This was an idea I directly stole from "The Vacant Lot", a hilarious TV show from the early 90's that got canceled pretty much the minute it started. I then realized that no one wants to see me in various sad combinations of sweats, pajama bottoms, wife-beaters, flip-flops and old, stained t-shirts.
  • "The one where I eat things that aren't really food." In a way, I kind of already did this, but I think I was going to take this one step further somehow. Then I realized that I'm not seven years old and I probably shouldn't be eating crayons.
  • I almost posted a video of me, loudly singing along to Air Supply's "All out of Love". Enough said.
  • "Freckle, mole or cancer: you make the call!" Again, possibly (probably) drunk.
  • Various "fake" love letters to celebrities I am currently stalking/have a crush on. Several restraining orders prevent me from posting these, but you all know who I'm talking about. Oh yes, you do.
  • And finally, a detailed analysis of my purse collection. Actually, I might still do this one for the girls, we'll see. If I do I promise I will use words and phrases like "boobs", "the big game" and "panties" in the post as often as possible to keep you boys interested.
So next time you wonder to yourself, "What the hell was Whiskey thinking with this post?" remember that it could be worse.
A LOT worse.


p.s.- Sexypants lady M, this is for you:



Failcooks said...

Love it. And yes, I suppose it didn't help that on Day 2 of my hangover, I began drinking Karkov "Vodka" at a VFW, and then later, more Vodka "cocktails" at the Poodle Club. (I just don't think it's appropriate to order top-shelf at a place like the Poodle Club, do you?) So, I'm officially on Day 3 of my hangover. Or maybe I'm just still drunk. It truly is hard to tell. Let's tie on on soon, gorgeous.

i am playing outside said...

PLEASE do the truck stop hooker one. i beg you.

also, i'm a notepad fiend as well. but im also OCD, so i stack them neatly on top of each other. that's right.

you should come over for tea someday.

McGone said...

"Ask a truck Stop Hooker" could be a valuable post. Entertaining, heartwarming and darn it, we might just learn a little something too.

Can we submit questions? I would ask "Do you prefer to be called 'Ladies of the Pennzoil' or 'Lot Lizards?'"

Freida Bee, MD said...

I am in agreement with supporters of the Ask A Truckstop Hooker post and would be very happy to submit a question.

I blog naked plenty of times, but I just don't announce it, but I don't have a furry chair. You need a swatch of rabbit fur to sit on which reminds me that I caught the rabbit living in my daughters' room eating crayons the other day. I'm going to try and catch some rabbit hyjinx on video sometime.

kirby said...

My son is only eleven. Let me hook up the smell-o-meter and get back to you later on the whole smelly teenager thing.

kilax said...

Please humor us and actually write a few? I like the kitteh conversations one :) LOL. We actually pretend our cat talks to us - we do his voice for him. We are super lame.

Moe Wanchuk said...

What about the
10 reasons I'm glad I don't have a penis?

T.J. said...

I prolly have a question or 2 for the Truck Stop Hooker....

I think you should rock that one.


Letty Cruz said... much to comment on, so little brain power left between my ears about Clive Owen: You have great taste in celeb stalking victims. I'm developing a bit of a stalker obsession with Mr. Christian Bale.

And don't beat yourself so over your little-feet theory. After the third biznatch who did me wrong also happened to buy her shoes from the little girls section, I was wondering the same thing for a nanosecond.

Letty Cruz said...

and for the record: I'm 5'5' and a delicate 125 pounds -- but my footsies or nine WIDE, baby! So rest assured: I'm good people ;D

CDP said...

You should ABSOLUTELY do Ask a Truck Stop Hooker (which should be a recurring feature) and the purse collection.

surviving myself said...

Did you say something about panties and boobs?

Lollie said...

I can't believe that you actually wrote the words "blogging naked," "panties", "boobs", and "hookers" and John hasn't commented yet. I imagine that the second you pressed Publish that his head exploded with the force of the phychic/sexual internetty vibes emmanating from your post. John, where are you? Are you hurt?

Dr Zibbs said...

Thanks. I will be stealing some of these ideas.

Mariposa said...

Ha ha ha! Nice one list...and I will try to remember, it could have been worst...LOL

domboy said...

I'm with 'surviving myself' - I definitely vote the boobs and panties one (no kidding, you've got us down to a T).

Trukindog said...

I sure hope I don't miss the "Ask a Truck Stop Hooker" post and FYI darlin we call em Lot Lizards.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Are you crazy? Laundry Day Fashion show and Ask a Truck Stop Hooker in your hands look like blog gold to me. Don't make me beg you to do them because damn it, I will.

Gwen said...

Given your immense creativity I suspect you could do something with all of these but I'm a fan of "Ask A Truckstop Hooker" and "Laundry Day Fashion Show."

My question for "Ask A Truckstop Hooker":

Do you expect your johns to buy breakfast after services have been purchased and rendered? Or do you just move on to the next mark on an empty stomach?

Iheartfashion said...

My feet are size 10.5. You can totally trust me!

Mommy Lisa said...

Have you ever been near a store called "Hollister Co."? That will explain the smell of teenagers.