I keep several notepads at my desk at all times, and very often I write down blog ideas so as not to forget them.
Sometimes my ideas are less than stellar.
Sometimes I am drunk when I think of them.
Sometimes I am just a tard.
Here, for your entertainment, are actual blog post ideas that just...didn't make the cut, exactly as I had them written down:
- "I decided to try something new, so I'm blogging naked." I'm not quite sure how this one would have worked, but for once I'm really, really glad that I didn't follow through on something. Plus, I don't like the idea of anyone (even me) sitting on my furry desk chair naked.
- "Why do teenagers smell so funny?" Um, yeah. I'm not really sure what inspired this one, but I'm pretty sure vodka was involved.
- "Kitty Konversations" I hear you all thanking me for sparing you this one, and you're welcome. I had even planned out what potential conversations my cats would have if they could talk. One involved butt sniffing and the other was a debate on whether or not I should be kissing them on the mouth the way I do.
- "Ask a truck stop hooker" Sort of a "dear Abby" post. I might still use this one.
- "Why I don't trust people with small feet." This one was scrapped pretty much because I knew that it would only serve to prove my mental instabilities and the fact that I am one bump on the head away from saving my toenail clippings in a jar and wearing tin foil as clothing.
- "Laundry day fashion show." This was an idea I directly stole from "The Vacant Lot", a hilarious TV show from the early 90's that got canceled pretty much the minute it started. I then realized that no one wants to see me in various sad combinations of sweats, pajama bottoms, wife-beaters, flip-flops and old, stained t-shirts.
- "The one where I eat things that aren't really food." In a way, I kind of already did this, but I think I was going to take this one step further somehow. Then I realized that I'm not seven years old and I probably shouldn't be eating crayons.
- I almost posted a video of me, loudly singing along to Air Supply's "All out of Love". Enough said.
- "Freckle, mole or cancer: you make the call!" Again, possibly (probably) drunk.
- Various "fake" love letters to celebrities I am currently stalking/have a crush on. Several restraining orders prevent me from posting these, but you all know who I'm talking about. Oh yes, you do.
- And finally, a detailed analysis of my purse collection. Actually, I might still do this one for the girls, we'll see. If I do I promise I will use words and phrases like "boobs", "the big game" and "panties" in the post as often as possible to keep you boys interested.
A LOT worse.
p.s.- Sexypants lady M, this is for you: