Now that these stretchy, minimal, pant-LIKE things are back in fashion, and since they don't seem to be going away any time soon, I'd like to remind the world of a few guidelines that one may wish to follow when donning these pantyhose-disguised-as-pants:
- Stop, for the love of all that is holy, STOP thinking of these as full-fledged pants. They aren't, so just knock it off already.
- Check for sheerness when they are stretched beyond their original made-for-toddlers shape. If they only get more sheer (and shiny) as they stretch, DON'T BUY THEM. At best, these will look like cheap tights, at worst you'll look like a human kielbasa. This isn't a time to cheap out and impulse-buy something at the gas station checkout- go to a real, adult clothing store and spend a few bucks, damnit.
- (And this one is the most important one of all) Unless you are an under-21 year-old with impeccably perfect, toned legs and butt area...COVER YER DAMN ASS WITH A SHIRT/SKIRT PLEASE. I beg you. Whether you're skinny, curvy, smooth or lumpy, after a certain age or after a certain weight this is absolutely necessary. No one, and I mean no one wants to see your hinder in clingy spandex as an "outfit". This is not an "outfit". You think you look good? Well, you don't.
It's all about knowing your ass, people.
Know. Your. Ass.