Wednesday, February 29, 2012

My girly scout vagina fire

So, I got this kindle fire thingy that seems to be making my life SO much easier. Not "have sex with you even though you're wearing baggy underpanties but hey we'll do it missionary so you can still read the new issue of Vanity Fair" easy, but easier than plopping my busy and tired ass in front of my tired old laptop easy. Seriously,though. I'm totally technologically stuck in a sort of 1982esque Atari2600 kind of world, so any sort of technologmical doodad that actually connects me with the universe, rather than scaring me enough to run, screaming and naked (yet again), into the woods is #1 in my book. I may or may not have date raped Mr. Kindleyfire. Only the court records know for sure, and those are sealed due to my having the maturity of a 14 year-old as well as the breasts of a 16 year-old (bought and paid for, thank you very much!) Anyhoo, to catch up: *I now have 5 cats, not by choice. We will discuss this further at my intervention. *My job is going as well as it can, considering how difficult it normally is for Superheroes to adjust to life among the commoners. I'm working hard, I'm making more than I ever have (and earning every penny like a Hooker on nickel night), and I have a wonderfully loose schedule, which kind of sounds dirty when I put it like that. *I'm going to Mehico soon, and for ONCE in my life, the thought of putting on a swimsuit outside of my tapioca wrestling league doesn't have me breaking out in hives. Granted, my suit is from the "modesty" section of the Amish catalog, but hey- throw a bitch a bone, will ya? *I'm judging a Girl Scout cooking competition soon. Yes, that's as strange as it sounds. Details to follow. Also, in case you were worried: my vagina is fine. So is my uvula, thanks for all your kind letters and e-mails. The charity fundraiser with Clive Owen was unexpected, but both I and my vagina thank you all very much. Also, if someone could let him know that he forgot to get my phone number (again! Silly monkey!), I'd totally appreciate it.

9 comments:

Dr. MVM said...

Sure, your vag is fine, okay, good. Now, what's the skinny on your bunghole?

Whiskeymarie said...

That's so cute that you'd think my bunger is skinny, when we all know by now that "Mr. Bungingham" has a thyroid problem. So insensitive!

kirby said...

Girl Scout cooking? They're tough and stringy, I'd suggest a long braise.

Idea #527 said...

Ummm. . . do they do what they do here and have a Girl Scout Cookie Bake off competition?? All these different restaurants particpate taking a different gs cookie and making it into a dessert.

SkylersDad said...

Soooo, 16 year old paid for breasts and a great vajayjay.

Who needs night vision goggles when I can get details like this direct from you?

Scope said...

Go all "Rumspringa" in your Amish swimsuit and breastses.

Sandy Bazuzi said...

How do you use the Fire to make your life easier? I have one and besides cultivating my fury for unpopular video format playback and the one ebook that automatically synched, I haven't figured out how to use it well.

domboy said...

It’s comforting to know the Girl Scout judge is so minimally suppressed.

Dr Zibbs said...

Vagina. Right on.