Yesterday at work, the fire alarms went off, the entire building had to be evacuated, and no less than three fire trucks/vehicles showed up. Since we haven't had a false alarm in a while (unlike the frigid winter of aught-seven where we had no less than 5 in the span of a few weeks and I may or may not have lost a few toes due to exposure- the lawsuit is pending), we all assumed it was something real.
"Oh my god, is it a gas leak?"
"I heard that two rooms are on fire!"
"I smelled toxic smoke- maybe it's a terrorist attack!!"
"Everybody run for your lives!!!!!" (Okay, that last one might have been real, and it might have been me yelling. It was crowded, no one can say for sure. The investigation is ongoing.)
Yeah...not so much an emergency as it was an unfortunate near-miss for the Darwin Awards.
Turns out, one of the "brighter" students in the building put something wrapped in foil into one of the cafeteria microwaves, set it for oh...an hour, and just walked away, oblivious to the fact that both their dinner and the microwave in question had literally gone up in flames.
If that were my student?
Since you obviously haven't learned some of life's basics, Einstein- here are a few pearls of wisdom for you, to help you through this crazy thing called life:
- Leave knife-juggling to the professionals.
- Don't play with stray, frothing dogs after eating chicken wings.
- Use your hands to drive, not your toes.
- Broken glass is NOT the same thing as hard candy.
- Bacon fat is not an acceptable substitute for sunscreen.
- Cops aren't amused when you try to tickle them.
- The phrase "stick it in your ass" is not meant to be taken literally.
- "The Clap" isn't as fun as it sounds, and has nothing to do with the performing arts.
- Don't put salt in your eyes.
Happy Thursday, my salty little idiot nuggets. Happy Thursday.