Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Hiney ho!


...I got the stupid H1N1 shot (or "hiney shot", as Gwen would call it), and then I got the stupid non-hiney flu because the Universe likes to mess with me like that. I took two days off from work, and today I'm going back, despite the alarming number of fluorescent-yellow/green globules escaping from two of the several orifices in my head. I almost saved the one that kind of looked like a Smurf. Almost.

...I've been busy doing lots of stuff that probably isn't all that interesting to y'all, considering that I can't really remember what most of it was anyways. I vaguely remember pudding at some point, and for some reason every time I walk by a yellow house I break into playing wicked awesome air guitar. It will all come back to me eventually, I hope. But I swear I've been busy doing...something.

...At some point between now and March 2, my Podiatrist (yes, you heard that right- my Podiatrist) said that I need to wear one of these (the big one) for two weeks:
It seems my right foot is possessed by the devil, and the only way to expel Lucifer from my extremities is to pretend I'm Frankenstein on the right half of my body. To complete the look, I'm super-gluing a bolt to my neck and throwing in a guttural "URRRGGGHH" every other word. Should be sexy, no?

...To get back on that horse called blogging (not to be confused with that one horse with no name), I am going to post something every day for a week, starting today. You may just get my grocery list and my deepest thoughts on flossing, but at least I'll be here. If I can complete my thesis- The impact of pork products on late-80's pop music- I'll post that for you as well.

There you go- back with not so much a "bang" as a muffled "Mrffphhh".

Happy Wednesday, my phlegmy little Smurf nuggets. Happy Wednesday.



Chris said...

My, what a big bootie you have. Try to stay away from fire when you're wearing it.

180|360 said...

You leave me with yet again, a most glorious visual! Your husband is a lucky man!

Glad to have you back at any capacity.

Kate said...

I was just thinking of you yesterday AM, wondering if you had made an unannounced decision to quit blogging. Glad to see you're alive. Sorry about the boot.

John said...

Podiatrist's number please. Must protest prescribing the wearing of "medical boot" by the otherwise fabulously sexy Ms. VonFunnypants. Unbecoming. Unbefitting. Unacceptable.

l'ananas said...

I'm fine with the boot, as long as you only wear it sans pants - ala lady gaga. leotard. strange hat. boot. think about it.

SkylersDad said...

Fashion some sort of very small version of that boot to wear under your nose to catch phlegm and wear the other big model as prescribed.

Take lots of pictures.

Post on this blog.

Please oh please fill this prescription!

Stacey said...

Yay we'll be twinkies. I was given one of those ugly ass boots. Only I'll have to dig it out from the garbage... I mean place where I have stored it.

Foot problems suck. Especially for shoe hos like us.

Gwen said...

Next time we're in a noisy, crowded room where wiretaps won't be able to record us, I'll tell you about the yellow house. In the meantime, stear clear of bars with names that start with the letter J.

Bright side of wearing the boot? No stubbed toes and more foot to plant in others' backsides. You can spend your pedi money on booze.

LegalMist said...

Glad you're back! Take Gwen's advice on the boot thingie, that way you'l have some great stories to tell us, whenever you remember them.