Things I understand:
- Logic
- Why white shirts + red wine = disaster, always
- The science behind baking
- The seductive allure of pudding
- Men, 95% of the time anyways
- Why freckles are cute
- How to make a perfectly lovely martini
- Why everyone should own a well-made black blazer of some sort
- Bacon.
- Which fork to use
- Taking time to finish the crossword puzzle
- The importance of shaking one's booty as often as possible
- Champagne
- Loving impractical footwear
- Why someday humans will be slaves to warrior monkeys
- The power of a low-cut top
- That seeing people trip is always, always funny
- That honesty is always the best policy
- How to make head cheese
- Wanting to ride your bike everywhere in the summer
- Why we'd all look silly without any eyebrows
- The number of days I can wait to wash my hair before it goes from silky & shiny to just plain gross
- What people mean when they say "You know what I mean?"
Things I don't understand:
- Why anyone would willingly listen to the Dave Matthews Band
- Long, elaborately painted fingernails
- Who would consciously choose to wear white leggings
- The big deal about ice cream
- The appeal of American Idol after the first round
- Technology
- How to properly clip my toenails
- How I've managed to not read a single book in the last 8 months
- How to keep my mouth shut sometimes
- How penises are both alluring and goofy
- My ability to remember commercial jungles from the 70's & early 80's
- Why I can't remember what day of the week it is, generally
- How, when a single woman has more than one cat she's a "crazy cat lady", but if a dude does, he's a "sensitive animal lover".
- Why I'm incapable of snapping my fingers properly
- How I woke up wearing a chicken suit in the neighbor's bathtub that one time
- What people mean when they say "You know what I mean?"
XO
