Friday, June 17, 2011

Time to separate the men from the boys

Ok, let's get this over with...
Not that you should care, but I feel the need to purge these random things, kind of as an explanation for my absence, and kind of because I had a few cocktails last night, and my brain feels like a bowl of gummi bear-infused tapioca right now.  I need to do this before I can move on and get back to "real" posts, much like when I give all my used discount underpants to the hobos so I can feel better about buying new discount underpants.
In no particular order, and in bullet form so as not to give you a rash on your you-know-what again:
  • I'm totally off/marginally unemployed for the summer
  • I'm drinking a lot of boxed wine (see above)
  • I'm sleeping a lot
  • I'm watching a lot of Bravo TV
  • I'm putting the "ho" in horticulture again and spending a lot of time gardening.  Sometimes with clothes on.
  • I'm working on-and-off catering for redonkulously wealthy people, and, by default, spending a lot of time scrubbing my skin with a wire brush "Silkwood-style" in order to wash the ick off. 
  • And...I had foot surgery, which had me laid up for a while and left me doing little more than having vicodin-induced hallucinations where I thought Charlie Sheen was trying to eat my cats (Tiger blood! Winning!!), thinking of timely and topical references for my blog, and not bathing.  It's healing nicely now, but for those of you that like this sort of thing, or for those of you that think I make this shit up, here is a before-and-after for your enjoyment (beware- grossness ahead- for realsies!)

      The writing on my foot is my doctor's initials, marking it so that they didn't "accidentally" (their words) operate on the wrong one.  I am still referring to my foot as "FRANKENFOOT!" even though it no longer looks this gross. 
    So, there you go.  The non-stop action that is Whiskeymarie VonPartypants.  
    Happy Friday, my stitched-together little sloth monkeys.  Happy Friday.


    will said...

    Zippered feet are so practical ... but what did you do with the now missing toe?

    H said...

    EWWW. And OW. Glad you're feeling better. Drinks soon. xoxo

    P.S. Speaking of gardening - my verification word is 'conifer'

    Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

    Let me know when I can come by and help you in the garden. I'll be dressed, or undressed, appropriately.

    John D. said...

    In no particular order:

    • please post naked gardening pics

    • Silkwood! Love that movie!

    • Duh. Winning!

    • I prefer "before"

    • Get well soon



    feisty said...

    disgusting, yet i can't look away! heal up, frankenfoot.

    MommyLisa said...

    I am so glad lunch was a long time before I saw that foot. ;)

    SkylersDad said...

    You deserve to sit back and relax your foot and ass as long as you want to! I can't imagine catering for rich people who think they are deserving of more just because they have money. If you decide to go out in style and throw them into a cake or something, promise you will have video available?

    Mnmom said...

    What the hell was wrong with your foot to cause THAT! We should get together for cocktails soon, dressed or undressed, and I'll keep you on the edge of your seat with my bunion surgery story - including when my Mom slammed the hatch of my VW on them!

    Scope said...

    Is it anything like that "Private Chef's of Beverly Hills" show? Are you the sexy one or the fiery one? (Wait, I know, both!)

    And if that was some kind of "cosmetic surgery", you're doing it all wrong.

    Enjoy your summer.

    Anonymous said...

    Tell the truth, you weren't catering for rich people, you were working as one of those naked sushi girls when someone bit your foot, weren't you?

    Lisa said...

    You're not unemployed. You're retired.

    A fellow retiree

    Chris said...

    I hope you didn't get a deranged toe.

    Lollie said...

    Strange craving for Frankenberry cereal...

    Ghost Dansing said...

    faeries song....