Tuesday, April 26, 2011
At first it looked like something was shaking, or fluttering in a breeze, but since it was inside the house that seemed unlikely unless we're experiencing a rash of indoor tornadoes, much like the summer of Aught-seven.
Unfortunately for me and my eyesight, within a second or two I realized exactly what was happening. Directly behind a computer monitor propped less than a foot from the window was one of my gentleman neighbors...
Yup- right in front of his picture window, with nothing but a smallish and totally non-camouflaging piece of computer bric-a-brak to shield me from seeing his face. Luckily, he at least had the propriety to keep his junky junk under the desk while furiously going about his business, but seriously- WHO MASTURBATES IN FRONT OF A WINDOW IN THEIR DINING ROOM????????? ON THE GROUND FLOOR????
So, I have to wonder- am I dealing with your run-of-the mill dirtbag here, or is it more likely that this dude already has, or will likely have, his very own sex offender registry soon? And, since I'm being all straightforward and stuff, I will fully admit that I have walked by a few times since, just to see if this is a common thing. I feel like I have to- this house is across the street from an elementary school (though the window in question faces another direction), and if this is a common occurrence I feel like I should alert some sort of authority figure, like the Pope or maybe Batman. And if a call is warranted, I feel like I should be really, really sure, as I'm pretty sure being labeled a "sex offender" isn't quite the same as getting caught running a red light or stealing extra mustard packets at Arby's.
I guess for now I walk by, hoping/dreading to see my neighbor's hand bobbing up and down as if he were enthusiastically working out with a Shake Weight, minus the Shake Weight.
I'll keep you posted.