Thursday, April 14, 2011

Cat's In The Cradle (For 19 More Days)

Hi, this is John, Whiskeymarie's friend, agent. lawyer, and manager. I've hijacked her blog once before to offer a ransom for her safe return, as she had gone missing for quite some time. Thankfully, she returned herself from that little hiatus, though not altogether unharmed. It seems that she likes to perform her own stunts from time to time, and, well, when she insists on rolling out of a car doing 60 like she's Mannix or something, it doesn't always end well.

Anyway, I'm here today to offer you, her friends, a special pre-sale on her DEBUT ALBUM! - CAT'S OUTTA THE BAG.

You'll get these hits:
  1. Diggin’ For Gold
  2. I Fell From Heaven
  3. Head at My Place, Tail at Yours
  4. Eighty Million Bucks and He’s Almost Dead
  5. Melt Your Ice Cream
  6. Let's Go Upstairs and Talk
  7. Ashton, Oh Ashton
  8. Making You Bitches Look Really Bad
  9. Are You Really That Tall, or Just Sitting on Your Wallet
  10. I'm Heartbreaker, Nice to Meetcha, Stupid
  11. Fifty Bucks Says I Turn You Down
  12. Record Tonight, Viral Tomorrow

Order today and save! Only $99.99! Enter the special coupon code: MONEY. Or DIAMONDS. Or DIESUCKERDIE. Any of those will work. Not valid with any other offer.

Hurry, offer ends May 4th, 2011.

Marie Cougar Mellencamp® is a ROCK STAR.

Love, John ... and...


Whiskeymarie said...

I totally forgot about recording this! Must have been the whiskey...

I can't wait to perform tracks #3 and #7 for y'all with my backup dancers!! And lion tamers! And shooting flames in the background! And nudity!!!

John D. said...

and the All Monkey band??

Hey, you're not pushing 40...

you're pulling 30.

Gwen said...


$99.99 is pretty steep. Can I trade you this dead possum for a copy?


What about this dead possum aaaaaand . . . *looks around* . . .*points* that dirty sock?

Get back to me quick 'cuz that possum will be stew soon.

Anonymous said...

I'm turning fifty this year. What's a cougar plus ten?

SkylersDad said...

If I order right now, will you throw in your additional hit "I can't get over you so you'll have to get up and answer the phone yourself"?

Anonymous said...

You definitely don't look like you are approaching 40.

Whiskeymarie said...

Oh anonymous- If I could make out with you right now I totally would.

Anonymous said...

I think if you go to your local cosmetic counter at Walgreen's and show them your I.D. on your 40th birthday, they will give you a free sample of any Oil of Old Lady product. Just KIDDIN'!!
You are still "PHAT" (Pretty-Hawt-And-Tempting!). Plus, didn't you know - 40 is the new 30; so going by that, you still pass for 27 in my opinion!