Monday, May 3, 2010

Suck it up, put on yer monkey hat and have a day, damnit!

Yeah, it's my farkin birthday.

I actually kind of forgot about it this year, being that I'm busy like a hooker bee on honey day and on account that I'm turning the regrettable age of thirtyfreakingnine.

In honor of the occasion, I'll sing you the song I sing my cat, Millie, on a near-daily basis.
(Imagine this in the key of G and sung in a castrato-falsetto voice)



"la-la-laaaa......"

"Her name is Millie,
she is so silly,
if she were a pickle she'd be dilly,
if she were a movie she'd be Free Willy,
if she were a horse she'd be a filly,
if she were a landscape she'd be hilly,
if she were a criminal she'd be kind of killy,
if she was a president's brother she'd be Billy,
if she were a flower she'd be a lily,
if she were cheap fabric she'd be quite pilly,
if she was a feather she'd be quilly,
if she was a Valley girl she'd be all "Really?"
if she was an actress she'd be Meg Tilly,
Aaaaaaannnnndddddd...
(pause)

if she were any cuter I'd eat her for dinner. Yup."
(bow)

Now, it's time to put on my party hat and display the appropriate attitude befitting a misfit 39 year-old who would rather be scratching her ass with a rose bush than having another damn birthday.

Dammit.

28 comments:

Stacey said...

Happy Turd Day, lovely!


I hope you get everything your little half human/half monkey heart desires!

Love and kisses!

P.S. For your 40th be prepared because your present will be...me. But don't worry I'll bring wine.

Dr. Monkey said...

Monkey hat!

Anonymous said...

Happy Happy Birthday and a big thank you for all the wonderful FREE entertainment 24/7 - You are very much appreciated!!

L.

abbersnail said...

You are fabulous! Happy effing birthday, hot stuff!!!

T.J. said...

Happy Birthday!!!

I prolly should have known/remembered that you had one coming up...

Guess you can claim that the extras in the last mailing were my 'psychic gifts'....

Hope it was a good one.

Some Guy said...

Have a wonderful birthday, Miss Monkeyhead!

Chris said...

Happy birthday, WvPP. Have a day you won't remember.

John said...

Hot monkey love to you on your birthday! xxx

Devilham said...

Happy Birthday Whiskey Marie!!!!!!!!

My wife turned 40 on Saturday, so I think she knows how you feel, and I'll be in that bracket soon enough as well. Do what we do, just accept that you are now and forever 32. 32. It's the perfect age, and we are sticking with it.

Anonymous said...

Hey WM,

Happy Birthday to my favorite pantless monkey!

P

nancypearlwannabe said...

Happy birthday, monkey!

McGone said...

That picture of your cat with the Time/Life "Murderers" and "Killers" books reminds me of this shirt:

http://store.theonion.com/product/kitten-thinks-of-nothing-but-murder-all-day-ladies,89/

And Happy Birthday! Again! They just keep coming, don't they?

Dr Zibbs said...

A hooker bee on honey day. Nice. Happy Bday Whiskey Marie!!

itsninamalone said...

Zibbs sent me: Happy Birthday!

Today's Random said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! One day late, that is.

Loving the model pose with the monkey hat. As RuPaul would say, "Work!"

Charm City Barfly said...

Happy friggin' birfday!!!

SkylersDad said...

Damn birthdays just keep coming, but you wear yours so well!

Gwen said...

Wait.

I thought YESTERDAY was your birthday.

Hahahahaha!

I've already said it 1,247 ways (today AND yesterday) but I'll say it again: HAPPY BEE DAY, MY FRIEND!

In all seriousness, you are an amazing, beautiful, funny, smart woman and I am lucky to count you among my besties.

Ew. Being nice to you felt WEIRD. Make it stop.

WendyB said...

Console yourself with the fact that you'll ALWAYS be younger than me!

domboy said...

You make that monkey hat look so damned cool. Happy birthday virtual friend (you are my virtual friend, right?)

Cathy said...

Happy late Birthday!

Found you through Mommy Lisa-I'm planning the little get together with her on June 5th. Thought I'd come over and say hi.

l'ananas said...

Next year you should do the rose bush ass scratching! Hope it was a happy one!

LegalMist said...

That hat be stylin'!

I hope your birthday was loads of fun. :)

elle michelle said...

Happy belated birthday!

kirby said...

Hope you had a nice birthday.

I remember those Time/Life crime books. As a child, I spent an inordinate amount of time reading them.

Pea said...

Back in time for your birthday yay!! I feel appropriately inadequate as I have not made up a song as profound as that about my own dog.

I have new blog BTW, come visit sometime.

Padre Mickey said...

Feliz cumplee, as the kids say. Well, the kids here in Panamรก; I don't know what the kids say where you live.
Anyhoo, Happy belated birthday and stuff.

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

Happy belated birthday - you have great eyebrows.