- We finally got carpeting for our stairs, upstairs landing, and guest room. I called Empire (1-800-588-2300 Empire!), and for what seemed like the dowry for a young, blonde virgin from Utah, got carpeting I'm only marginally OK with two business days later. It's just kind of...fine. Oh well, one small step for "Operation Fix this Fucking House", one giant step for capitalism in America. Freedom fries!!
- I'm on spring break, but I have yet to flash my boobies to college boys or imbibe in a "beer bong". Shameful? Yes. But, maybe for once my spring break won't culminate in a flurry of grainy videos on Youtube. (fingers crossed)
- I threw a baby shower for my younger sister this past weekend, and my older sister was in town as well. Yes, that shiver that went down your spine about 1:45 Saturday afternoon (Central time) was the Universe trying to figure out what having all three VonPartypants girls in the same room at one time would do to the space-time continuum. Turns out- other than that whole "raining fish from the sky" thing, not much.
- Today I found a brownie-ish thingy that I had bought for a friend in a pile of stuff on my desk. I think I bought it a month (or three) ago. All I can say is- I need to write whoever made it a letter, because it was still delicious. You can't get e-coli from brownies, right?
- I recently discovered that it's better to hand-wash your cats, rather than just throwing them in the dishwasher (pisses them off less, anyways):
- I'm attempting to be as gluten-free as possible. Yes, me. Bread baker, pastry girl, croissant-lover extrordinaire. I guess I'm tired of being bloated, farty, and tired. But you know what? Gluten is freaking delicious, kind of like how crack-topped pizza is delicious. I miss it so very, very much that I still sneak it once in a while. What do you mean, "What was that noise?" It totally wasn't me farting.
- I think I'm going to take rowing classes on the Mississippi river this summer. I'm more excited about this than you can imagine. The sad thing is, I'm kind of bummed that the classes don't take place at the crack of dawn- whenever I imagine myself rowing on the river, I see it as happening when the sun is just coming up and hasn't heated the river up so you can smell the pig farms upstream. Any of you ever do this (rowing, not pig farming)? Thoughts?
- If it doesn't rain tomorrow, I'm dragging my boyfriend Dirk (my bike) out and getting him intimately re-acquainted with my ass. Somewhere beneath his muffled screams, I know he still loves me.
- I can't wait to tell you about that one thing that happened.
- I don't know why I've been so m.i.a. here. Sorry? I'm guessing it was part writer's block, part winter depression, part not giving a shit, and part me being too busy watching the snow melt to bother. I tried a million times, but truth be told I totally lost interest in this blog thing for a while there. Don't worry- I'm way too narcissistic to quit you. (hugs herself)
It's been ages, darling. You look as good as I remember you looking. (See how I did that? If you looked like crap you'll still think it was a compliment! Ka-pow!)
i was just about to give you a web-based tap on the shoulder - asking you where the hell you've been! Or, what kind of cheese could be awesome enough to keep you away from us for so long. Dorito-infused cheese?
Damn woman, I was starting to get withdrawal symptoms from one of my fave twisted bloggers.
I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder or some kind of BS like that, right?
It's about time you got your booty back to blogland.
What do you use to keep your cats squeaky clean?
Personally, I just throw the pug into the washer on gentle. Then I spread her out on a towel to dry (don't want the wrinkles to come out in the dryer).
I like imagining you sitting on Dirk's face. Seems that all is right with the world with that, and of course having you back on the web.
THERE you are. I was getting worried. Welcome back and-- what's that smell?
It sounds like all is well in Whiskey Land! I was up in your corner of the world last month visiting my brother...sweet baby jebus, I don't know how you all deal with the winter. I've been alcohol free for a month and attempting to eat healthy and have lost 2 pounds. WTF? The alcohol alone should have caused at least a 10 lb weight loss. Oh well. My liver is probably happier. xoxo.
That cat picture is hilarious! Although I'm not sure I want to know what's in the litter box then...
Gluten. That's all I hear is talk about the gluten. I have no idea what gluten is or what is does to you because when I see stuff about getting healthy with food it usually bores me.
Cheese is gluten free...
STOP COPYING OFFA ME!
Is it just me or have our recent posts simply morphed into long, public emails to each other? By the way, how's that rash? I told you not to ride the bus without pants, dummy. Hahahahaha!
One other thing . . . you know those pills you "stole" out of my medicine cabinet? You know how they were marked "THESE PILLS ARE THE HAPPY ONES"?
Well, they were actually stool softener. I can see ya coming a mile away, Stickyfingers Magee. Gotcha!
Hot Bitches From the Minneapolis Area Gone Wild! Wooo Spring Break!
Rowing is the best full body workout there is (Woo Whiskey!) and will TRUMP gluttony. And if pig farmers get ripped-up-like-Rambo-rowing-Whiskey booby flashes, I hope they have blogs.
Every year here we have Dragon Boat races, and every year there are teams of rowers that form and train so they can participate, and I would so love to be one of the boys with broad shoulders and wet vests clinging to my hardened nipples and a creaking oar gripped fervently to my calloused hands. If you have the opportunity, take it!
Pig Farmer I'm not...But a Salmon Rancher from Pigsknuckle, Arkansas? Been there done that.
Wait, I'm lyin' they aint got no Salmon in Arkansas. I'm just tryin' to keep it interesting.
i am jsut glad you are back
You haven't missed much. Oh except for the fact that I gained an Adams Apple.
Yeah, it's as awesome as you might think.
Um and if you don't update soon. I may have to start harassing you telephonically...or textiphonically...or something.
I've always wanted to row. Never got my shit together enough to do it. Lucky you!!
This is the first free hour I've had in ages and wasting --err spending -- it on you is SO worth it.
Have you discovered the gluten-free oatmeal animal cookies at Whole Foods? Take out a homeowner's loan and get you some. They're somehow fucking fantastic.
I totes forgot to comment here about rowing. My sister was on the rowing team in Duluth (like a competitive club sport with trips to places like lovely Thunder Bay) and LOVED it. She was cut up like nobody's business.
I had a similar thing happen with my blog...I'm blaming it on Global Warming. Either way I'm happy to be writing again and even happier you are!
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