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Right now, I'm...
- looking at my bling-bling, newly de-grungified toes:
- Overly excited to visit Gwen over Memorial weekend. (Yay!! Pooping on stuff!!) This is way too early to be excited, I know. By the time the end of May rolls around, I will have surely imploded from anticipation. If I do, Y'all can forage through my remains for whatever bits you want to keep in a jar on the mantel, but make sure my hoo-ha and nip nips get sent to the Smithsonian, where they belong.
- Teaching an advanced pastry class at work right now. This? This is not nearly as awesome as it sounds. I have to taste everything before I grade it. Every-thing. After three or four so-rich-they-should-come-with-a-defibrillator-and-maybe-some-XXXXXL-sweatpants desserts, I'm done. Sugar overload- my blood sugar level has reached gummy bear and pixie stix levels, folks. On a related note: Yesterday one of my students asked me if there was ever any projects/desserts made by students that I absolutely wouldn't eat. I told her about the one and only student that I've ever had where I couldn't even consider putting even a morsel in my ever-so-ladylike pie hole. This particular student (we'll call him "Shasty McNastypants" just for Not Benny) wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree to begin with, but after another student mentioned how Shasty McNastypants had been regaling him with tales of how he liked to shit in his own hands whilst showering, just "because it's easier to clean up that way", well...the decision was pretty much made for me.
- Riding my bike everywhere. The other day, while I was biking to work, some random dude walking on the street yelled after me, "go faster!!" with a goofy smirk on his face. Then he got into his car and pulled up beside me at a stop sign and honked. WTF, dude? I'm thinking I maybe misunderstood him and he actually yelled, "Ho, bastard!!!" in a misguided attempt to woo me soft and gentle-like. I do that to men sometimes.
- Needing a kick in the ass, blog-wise. Is there anything you want me to talk about? Burning questions you may have? (Not to be confused with burning sensations you may have- keep that shit to yourself, weirdo.) Stories I forgot to tell you? Until I get my mojo back, I need some help from you, dearest internets. Don't make me resort to writing about ingrown hairs or my pet's poo habits (again). Please- it's in your own best interests, trust me.