Damn squirrel is lodged in my brain again. Mabel! Call the exterminator!

• For whatever reason, I've had the sentence "Oops, I crapped my pants" stuck in my head for a few days now. I'm wondering if this is some sort of warning I should be heeding, or if at some totally inappropriate moment I am just going to blurt this unfortunate sentence out for no good reason at all.

• I have gotten up early and worked out almost every day for the last 2 weeks. Something is seriously wrong with me. Send help. And cookies. Lots of cookies.
  

• I ate peanut butter and jelly on toast last night for dinner. In my apparent quest to eat like a twelve year-old, tonight I will be eating gummy bears and string cheese, washing it all down with 3 Red Bulls.
  

• I've been listening to the Morphine album "Yes" over and over lately. The song "Whisper" makes me want to do very naughty things. Very.

• I have 8 days of work left before I get a lovely 2+ week break. Yes, I'm gloating. Bask in the glory of my gloatacular gloat, non-gloaters.
  

• On the aging front (and yet another moment where I tell you waaay more than you want to know)- last night I had that moment. I found a gray hair.
  Guess where:
  

I don't want to talk about it.

Getting old sucks smelly, hairy, droopy donkey balls.

Breakin' 2: electric booger-boo.

Spring.

When little fluffy bunnies frolic amongst the tulips, and you can almost smell the love in the air.

And...

When you feel as if a colony of breakdancing ants has taken up residence in your nasal cavity and they are choosing today to "throw it down old-skool style while getting their pop-n'-lock on".

Damn allergies.

I've had them as long as I can remember- from when I was a sniffly, red-nosed eight year-old using her mitten as a kleenex- to now, when I am a sniffly 36 year-old using only the finest tissues (or occasionally a sleeve, or toilet paper, or paper towels, or mittens, or dish towels) to blot the snot.

April and May are the worst for me- this morning my regimen consisted of prescription eye drops to help me NOT look like I suffer from the blinking portion of Tourette's and/or a 19 year-old stoner, prescription nose spray that reduces my sense of smell to such a level that the only things that even blip on the radar are the interiors of sewage treatment facilities and rotting corpses, and the now over-the-counter drug Zyrtec, which has caused me to develop a minor- yet annoying- case of narcolepsy.

I also supplement with the occasional dose of Visene to get the red out, and Benadryl, which occasionally induces what I like to call "minor comas".
Oh, and I'm on a strict regimen of the tried and true prescription called "vodka"- just for fun.

I've got red eyes, a red & flaky nose, and I occasionally launch into sneezing bouts that cause all animals within a mile radius to start howling.

Damn if I don't feel sexy.


On a related note:

My weekend was good. Busy, lots of eating out, lovely houseguests that clean up after themselves, quality cat time and, oh yeah, the Kids in the Hall- LIVE!!!

To prove I was there:

No, I totally agree. My picture-taking-at-a-live-show skills suck. I had a martini and a vodka tonic in me at this point, cut me some slack.

But the show was awesome, I ran into a ton of people I know, and I wish the KITH would just get back together and have another TV show already. Dammit.

Seeing them reminded me of one of their skits, which I constantly quote because I'm totally not a geek. And, it seems strangely appropriate given my condition today and how my eyes feel.

Take three minutes and enjoy:




Happy Tuesday, my crusty yet squishy little nuggets of eye boogers. Happy Tuesday.
XO

Not to be confused with cottage cheese thighs.

Unlike most days, I actually have mucho stuff-o to do today (bet you didn't know I was multilingual, did you? I also speak bastardized food French and phlegmy Germanglish).

I have house guests tonight, Kids in the Hall LIVE tomorrow (!!!), and my butt isn't going to just go and scratch itself, you know.

Go and eat some cheese for me, then tell me about it. Don't leave anything out. Make me want it- bad.



Mmmm...cheese porn.

Happy Friday, my little pools of limburger fondue with possum nuggets (for dippin'), happy Friday indeed.

XO