Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Little random bits, the hors 'doeuvres and canapes of my life

Random bits about things that I have not a lot to say about:

  • I seem to have the tolerance of an anorexic vegan these days. A few glasses of wine and the next day has me wanting to spend the day by myself, on the couch, cursing the day wine was invented. I think I may (prepare yourself here folks, this is a big 'un)............stop drinking for a while. I can't believe I said it either. I don't want to scare anyone- this is just a temporary blip in the space-time continuum. No need to go into the safe room with all the canned goods just yet.
  • If your salad happens to have 2 fried spring rolls perched on top of the lettuce, noodles and cucumbers, is it still a salad? I'm thinking one cancels out the other, or something like that. I'm not sure how I feel about this as a "salad", but it sure is tasty.
  • If it's fall, why is it still too damn hot to wear my lovely new sweaters? Dear Mother Nature: I'm really tired of sweating. Stop wasting time coming up with new flower and spider breeds and do your job properly. It's time to get together with your associates and do something about the weather. Thank you.
  • Whoever this Dr. Pepper guy is, I wish he were my Gynocologist. If he can do that with soda, just imagine what magic he could work on my ovaries.
  • I agreed to cater a brunch this weekend at a Sorority at the U. I am so regretting this. I have no time to do it to begin with, and the 14,879 phone calls and e-mails that have been sent my way are starting to be a titch annoying. It's fucking brunch, ladies. Just chill.
  • Other than the catering, I am hoping to spend the rest of the weekend catching up on my quality "me" projects, and hopefully >90% of this time will be spent in jammies of varying styles.
  • In two weeks, me & the Mr. will be going to lovely San Francisco and the Sonoma Area for a little R&R. We'll visit my sister & her husband for two nights, then the other two nights will be spent in the city. I am counting the seconds. I need to get away, even if it's just for five-ish days. I plan on lots of sleeping, eating and not thinking about work. I am more excited for this than if I had just learned that Clive Owen wanted to get together for a little game of naked twister. But- Sir Sexypants Clive- if you're listening...
  • I'm going to find some chocolate now. Maybe cake, which would make the grand total of pieces of cake consumed in the last week: 4.

Back to your regularly scheduled day, my crispy little love-filled wontons.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Why things are the way they are


Hey there!

I've been thinking about you!

You know, how've you been, how you have been getting by...you know, the usual.

I hear you haven't been doing so well. I hear you've been fondling monkeys and been busy getting accused of manhandling "sensitive" boys from the monastery.

How's that working out for you?






Me? Thanks for asking.

Well, I've been pensive.

I keep thinking about those monkeys...

You KNOW how I feel about those monkeys.


But then I remembered...









Boobs are smart.

At least MINE are.

Mine know their place.


Thank you boobs, for guiding me properly. And for loving this awesome t-shirt as much as your host does.

You are truly the light and the way.

Monkeys understand this.


Thank you monkeys.


Tags: Why I'm fucking nuts; Why I'm socially retarded



**********************************************************************************


On a side note to those of you who have e-mailed about this:
And, o.k. girls (and boys): I'm already logged into Goodreads and have spent some time there. (www.goodreads.com/). I don't know if I can handle shelfreads too...I'll see what time allows. Honestly, I don't read enough books to justify two book website subscriptions. (I'm lame and uneducated like that. ) (Oh, and I love gummy bears. )(And shoes. I love shoes. But I love warm sunny days too.) (Do you hate me for loving warm, sunny days?) (Do You??)(Or do you hate me for loving gummy bears?) (TELL ME!!!) (DAMMIT!!!) Yes. Books. Yes. I will try and conform and commit to two different, yet equally time stealing ventures. Give me a moment...Or two.

The link for the t-shirt courtesy of Ms. Twisted: Go here, my dears.





(approximately) 10 minutes in the life...

I put the car in park and just sat there for a little bit, enjoying the quiet of my neighborhood in the dark. Some guy walked by with his big, mean-looking dog. I realized as I sat there that I smelled funny. Funny bad, like stale coffee (spilled all over me around 8:30 p.m), and just plain old long, busy day funk.
I guess after a 16-hour day my deodorant had failed me. Poor Arrid extra dry, you never had a chance.
Not wanting to accidentally fall asleep in the front seat and be confused for someone living in their car, I got out, locked it up and headed into the house.
Into the front porch, I pause a minute to reflect on how little we have used this beloved room of ours this year. With the heat being what it has been, and our idiotic schedules, our 3-season party porch has been reduced to a 3-days-a-year reading nook. I remember summers where we spent weekends out here, eating at the little vintage table or hanging out and playing games on the 50's bamboo couch and chair. I think about how much time we spent redoing this room, only to have it sit, unused, this past summer. All of the comfy furniture and the carefully painted floor is coated in dust. Sigh.
I unlock the front door, which is tricky. When we added weatherstrips the door got really tight, so now you can't ever lock or unlock with one hand. If you're carrying anything you have to set it down, unlock, then enter. I'm used to it now, but occasionally it makes me want to rip the whole door off of its hinges and throw it in the front yard.
Into the Chinese-red entryway, our giant Sonny Chiba "Street Fighter" Kung-fu poster greets me with angry cartoonish fight poses. The poster has been up so long that sometimes I forget it's there- but today I stop and look at it and remember how much I like it. It suits us, it suits the room.
The Mr. is laying on the couch, in the dark watching t.v, which I always find amusing. He acts like he doesn't want to fall asleep on the couch- like he wants to stay up and pretend we have a weeknight life or something. I tell him that if he doesn't want to fall asleep in front of the t.v. then he probably shouldn't lay on the couch, in the dark. This makes perfect sense to me, but he just smiles because he knows he'll be there again tomorrow.
I go into the dark dining room- my favorite room in the house that we never use. Lovely French-blue walls, my huge Asian screen on the wall, his Grandmother's dark wood dining set that looks perfect in there and the mismatched wood and iron chair in the corner. I love just looking at this room, yet I can't wait to redecorate. Go figure.
The never-used dining table functions as my all-purpose dumping ground these days: purse, keys, mail, receipts, miscellaneous papers- it's all there. I clean it off every few weeks intending to not junk it up again, but truth be told- I've never been very good at maintaining clean.
Instigating clean, yes. Keeping it up, not so much.
I drop my bag with my coffee-splattered chef coat in it on the floor and head upstairs to change. I know I should shower the funk off, but I'm nearing the point where I can barely walk or talk so showering or not showering seems to be a non-issue here.
On go the ugly, stretchy tan velour sweatpants, a wife beater and a sweater. I seem to have lost both of the left feet of both of my pairs of fuzzy slippers, so I leave my toes bare, knowing full well that they'll be like little ice cubes by the time I go to bed. I think it's funny to try and touch the Mr. with them once we're warm and cozy under the covers- this drives him nuts.
I kind of like how it feels to crawl into bed with freezing cold extremities- they warm up slowly as you get drowsy, getting just warm enough right when you start to drift off...
I take my cold fingers and toes (and nose) back downstairs.
It's late already for us- around ten or so- but I decide to have a glass of wine to relax a bit. I pull out my favorite wine glass (yes, I have a favorite). It's part of a set of 6 I have, but I only use the one for some reason even I'm not sure of. Into the glass goes the liquid French happiness, and into the living room I go.
A letter-sized plastic-wrapped package is waiting for me on the coffee table. I know it is a t-shirt I ordered a week or so ago, but knowing what it is doesn't lessen my excitement as I love getting packages in the mail- who doesn't? The shirt inside has a 50's housewife on it and says "I should be in the kitchen", which I find hilarious. It's a jersey with red sleeves and a white body- I look at it knowing that I'll probably stain the white part the first time I wear it. I always do. I can't keep anything clean.
It was a long day, but the wine and t-shirt make me happy. So does cozying up on the couch with a cute boy.
The Mr. smiles. He likes it when I'm happy.