Saturday, July 21, 2012

Ample-bottomed ladyfolk help ease the spinning of the earth.

First off, I'm going to share with you the most awesomely awful yet can't-look-away video that I've seen in...forever.  Watch the whole thing- your brain will hurt and you may go blind*, but it will totally be worth it just for the memories.
Ladies and not-so-Gentlemen (because I like it that way), I give you W.A.S.P:

And, you're welcome. 

The Mr. is reading the Game of Thrones books, and he seems to be discombobulated by the whole thing.  We figured out pretty quick while watching the first season of the teevee show that pretty much anyone you liked got killed.  Not "Lifetime touching movie where they get cancer and have time to reconcile their life" killed, but "Holy shit I didn't see that beheading/evisceration coming" killed.  I guess that in the books this charming feature is amplified x1,000,000, and I don't think he's too pleased with it and may stop reading.  I tried to reason with him (having not read the books and not giving of a shit if I do), reminding him that this particular scenario plays out on big and small scales every day: The thoughtful, reasonable, likeable people usually have some unfair and unfortunate malady/killing/circumstance befall them, while the grossly narcissistic/shallow/evil/douchebag contingent somehow seem to keep on keepin' on. Basically I told him that life isn't fair, and I was rewarded with an eye roll and a sigh.  Joke's on him, though- tomorrow I'm going to burn all his books.  That'll show him.

I met my girl Blondie for a few afternoon cocktails at a lovely establishment near my palatial estate this afternoon, and since it was close I rode my bike.  While we were there we witnessed an elderly woman drinking martinis who was clearly addicted to video poker, a wedding party that was stopping in post-wedding/pre-reception that looked like one or more of them would be arrested for drunk & disorderly before the night was over, and one guy that the bartender swore drank approximately 1 drink per 5 minutes, which I totally wanted to see.  Sadly, we both needed to get home for various reasons, so we exited and I unlocked & began to mount my bike as Blondie hopped in her car.  As we both were driving/rolling away, she had her windows open & "Fat bottomed girls" came on the radio.  I shit you not.  The best part was, she drove slowly alongside me for a bit, stereo cranked and windows opened, while I biked my amply-bottomed ass home. "Get on your bike and ride!"
My friends ROCK and can kick anyone else's friends asses. Don't test me on this.

I also finished teaching an Artisan Baking class, and I can say this: holy shit I'm glad it's done (as is my ass).  It was fun, I was awesome (as usual), but A) teaching a baking class during a heat wave? Yukko.  And B) Being around carbscarbscarbsfattycarbs all day long? Yukko. 
I love me some bread & butter, but lettuce and protein are looking pretty good right now. 

Oh, and I got botox again.
That pretty much sums up the time we've spent apart, my lovely little fartnuggets. 

Get on yer damn bikes and ride!!

*Vonpartypants, Inc. considers your reading this waiving your rights to sue for any potential blindness or queasiness.  Reading this also absolves VPInc of any complications due to you joining a terrible heavy-metal band or wanting to dress like Freddy Mercury.  VPInc would also like to remind you that you are loved, mostly on Mondays and every other weekend when we're court-ordered to not get drunk.


Mnmom said...

Fat Bottomed Girl DO make the rockin world go round. I can't tell if WASP is satire or do they really take themselves that seriously? The subtitles were helpful - that was very thoughtful of them.

feisty said...

Artisan Bread....mmmm. i'd want to take that class! but not in july during the HOTTEST summer on record, so far. baking during a heat wave sounds awful, but yummy.

John D. said...

Blackie Lawless with an Oakland Raiders guitar doesn't quite fit with the whole evil armageddon badassery schtick, does it. Cred? Ruined.

SkylersDad said...

My biggest takeaway from this is that I just have to get some fringe boots!

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