Actual, un-retouched photos, both taken today (I shit you not)(You know I wouldn't shit you. Or ON you, for that matter.)(But I'd totally talk shit about you if you did that one thing we never talk about anymore)(You know the one.)(You know- the one that got you ARRESTED in Tijuana, dummy.)(Anyhoo...):
#1, the one we'll gently call "before" much like adult diapers are called "personal undergarments":
And #2, the one we'll call "holy shit, that skanky hobo cleans up real nice!":
(And I owe my hairdresser a huge cake with sparkles, rainbows and sugar unicorns.)
I hope I'm back, bitches. I really hope I am.
If not, go kick a snowman in the junk in my honor. That fucker owes me.