Tuesday, March 8, 2011

What a motherfucking difference a day makes...

Actual, un-retouched photos, both taken today (I shit you not)(You know I wouldn't shit you. Or ON you, for that matter.)(But I'd totally talk shit about you if you did that one thing we never talk about anymore)(You know the one.)(You know- the one that got you ARRESTED in Tijuana, dummy.)(Anyhoo...):

#1, the one we'll gently call "before" much like adult diapers are called "personal undergarments":


And #2, the one we'll call "holy shit, that skanky hobo cleans up real nice!":

I can't lie, people- this winter has kicked my psyche's ass HARD.  I'm lethargic, prone to drinking wine in the afternoon, and pretty much not giving of a shit on any level, physical or metaphysical.  This blog has taken a back seat to sad online shopping and hiding my "Real Housewives of..." habit much like a heroin addict, minus the track marks.  The fact that I once again feel like an actual female member of the human race who actually possesses a vagina makes me feel like...me:1, Seasonal Affective Disorder:0

I Winned!!!

(And I owe my hairdresser a huge cake with sparkles, rainbows and sugar unicorns.)


I hope I'm back, bitches.  I really hope I am. 
If not, go kick a snowman in the junk in my honor.  That fucker owes me. 

28 comments:

SkylersDad said...

You look beautiful! But you looked pretty damn great with the stocking cap on also.

Lollie said...

You've complained about bangs before (the hair-type, not the vagina-type), but I think these look smashing on you and feel that they will serve you well. You look fabalus dahlink.

Lollie said...

Actually I take that back...I believe you have complained about the vagina-type of banging before, no?

WendyB said...

Sorry you've been feeling down!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You're cute as hell in both of them if you ask me.

180|360 said...

I have to agree with the monkey, you look hot in both pics. Granted, I'm Alaskan and find women in hats sexy, so.....
maybe I'm not the best person to ask.

Professor Chaos said...

*wolf whistle*

kirby said...

With or without the vagina, I'm glad you're back.

Kate Bee said...

See, I think you look gorg with no makeup. But maybe that's my jealousy over your bone structure talking (bitch!). But I freaking LOVE the after color. So glossy and rich! Stop making me lust after dark locks!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who online shops as a side effect of SAD.

John said...

ARRESTED in Tijuana - WINNING!

totally talk shit about you - WINNING!

adult diapers - WINNING!

skanky hobo - WINNING!

ass HARD - WINNING!

Real Housewives of - WINNING!

heroin addict - WINNING!

actually possesses a vagina - W-W-W-W-WINNING!

You roook mahvelous! =^..^= [major cat calls : )]

Johnson said...

Wine on a winter afternoon is great, but really just a recipe for napping. You need to get a nice mean drunk on for February or March. Personally, if I'm looking to get verbally abusive, I find gin works well. If I want to actually start punching people, well, obviously that's when I get out the rye. Also, you got you some shiny hair.

Countess said...

Gorgeous. I could turn gay for you.

i am playing outside said...

I LOVE IT!

I have been totally in the same boat. [a canoe, since im Canadian, and therefore know how to have sex in one] I used to think SAD was just something pathetic people made up, but it got me bad this year. And then ALSO yesterday, after two years of terribly upsetting haircuts, I went to a barber. An honest to god old school barber with the straight razor and warmed up shaving cream and a comfy antique chair and a penchant for LISTENING to what the client wants, and I got the best haircut of my life. It was basically a religious experience. They even gave me a warm face towel, and use the blow dryer to remove hair from my shoes. I felt like a god. I want to go back daily.

NOTE: i almost stopped writing this comment when i saw the length of the WORD VERIFICATION, but i pressed on.

Dr Zibbs said...

Love the hair!

Freida Bee said...

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I'm not the first to say I think you look as hot in the first pic as you do in the second, but I'll say anyway that ya do. Be gentle and take care of yourself. We need your snark long and hard, dear!

Mnmom said...

This winter has been a BITCH and I don't use that word lightly!! BITCH needs to go away or I will CUT HER!

You look fabulous darling! I have a certificate for a pedicure but I'm saving it for sandal season. Which should be here by about August. Just before next winter's first blizzard.

Gwen said...

Pretty!

Lai-Yee said...

Way to spiff up, lady!

BTW, I have a fairly strong Intervention addiction - gosh, does that show make me feel like I'm doing fairly okay in the world.

Anonymous said...

While I usually loathe having to do the "move-clock-ahead-one-hour" this time every year, I now find that it gives me the illusion that somehow spring will be here even faster = me likey!
Renata1967

LOLA said...

I saw you listed on LegalMist and though I'd drop by. I am WOMEN: WE SHALL OVERCOME a.k.a. dumpedfirstwife.blogspot.com. You might be/probably are even crazier than I am. I don't drink wine. I just do prescription meds. What is it about LegalMist that she likes us? Something seriously wrong with that chick.

Infinities of love,

Lola

gorillabuns said...

i took up mall walking with the blue hairs for a short period of time but when they started smoking me, i gave up and started my evening cocktail earlier. because of daylight savings time.

Sundar said...

Can I buy you a drink?

T.J. said...

And here's proof that I actually do remember how to post a comment....

All I can say is *rawr*

Oh, and my confirmation word is 'Talim', which it may interest you to know, is the name of a character in the Soul Calibur fighting franchise.

T.

EmBee said...

Even as a hobo, you're hot!
And if I see any snowmen, I'm SO kicking them in the junk!

Stacey said...

It's posts like this that reaffirm that we were seperated at birth.

Stacey said...

Oh and purty hair.

Anonymous said...

I just spanked off twice to each photo for a total of four ejaculations. The photo with the stocking cap produced a sort of ejaculatory anhedonia. Please keep up with the new look!

James said...

You look amazing in both photos. I would like to live a few ten's of thousands of kilometres closer to you.

Just wish you'd post more often like you used to.

Miss your witiscism and commentary.

again Post More Often!