Friday, August 27, 2010

Pieces of things that don't necessarily go together, much like most of my outfits.

Random bits- much like the frozen , leftover morsels of dead squirrels that I keep in my freezer, just in case:
  • I can't seem to type today without having to correct typos every other word, and simple speech seems to be a monumental task.  I'm thinking I had a stroke in my sleep.  Does that mean I can skip work today? 
  • I think my new class is scared of me- I'm totally OK with that. 
  • I can't remember when I washed my hair last, and I don't have time to do it before work.  Maybe I'll shape it into a giant, puffy chef's hat or a honkey 'fro and call it a day. 
  • I already mentioned this on Facebook, but a few weeks ago when I was at the grocery store, what I thought was a bird whizzed by my head in the toilet paper aisle.  When it turned around and flew by me again, I realized that it was a bat.  While I was looking for an employee to notify of Dracula's arrival, the bat must have flown into the main checkout area.  There was screaming, people running for cover, and cashiers trying to trap the bat with plastic grocery baskets.  Total chaos.  I seemed to be the only one who wasn't freaked out, so I checked out in the self-checkout and went on my merry way.  I hope the bat was OK, but holy hell, that sure was entertaining to watch. 
  • There is a totally shitballs-crazy dude at the gym that I'm kind of obsessed with watching, just to see what cookoo thing he'll do next.  Like, muttering nonstop, crazy eyes, obsessively moving very heavy equipment one inch that way then one inch the other, throwing newspaper pages around, and kind of "dancing" on the stairmaster.  Last time I saw him, his antics cleared a mostly-full room in about 10 minutes.  Except me- of course I couldn't stop watching. 
  • Also at the gym: a totally naked woman in the locker room decided to chat me up the other day.  I'm too polite to say, "Um, could you at least put a towel on?  Seriously lady, your glory days were over a long time ago and not looking at your gravity-challenged stuff is difficult, at best."  I guess she liked my purse.  Um...okay. 
  • I bought new, flat, knee-high black boots for fall that I'm in love with.  I figured that I earned them with my astounding laziness and sloth this summer.  Whatever- they were on sale. 
  • Summer is finally winding down, and the temperatures are finally dipping into "not as hot as Satan's bung after three hours of step aerobics" range.  What does this mean, you may ask?  Well, it means that I finally have enough energy to not only get off my ass, but to also "do things" and "leave the house".  Also, my mood is considerably better and I no longer punch random people in the crotch from "heat rage".  Not only will I maybe get some of those pesky restraining orders lifted, but I may actually stop by this here blog more than once a menses cycle.  I know- promises, promises.  
Happy Friday, my little sweaty, nude vampire bats.  Happy Friday.

23 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Thank gawd we don't live near one another, I don't think I could have taken another heat related crotch punch this summer.

Keith said...

May I leave a request?

Before washing your hair, could you please put your hair in a donkey fro and slide your feet into those new knee-high black boots and shoot me a couple of pics? I could use the image as a model for a sculpture that I'm thinkin' about doing.

I don't ask much out of you so could you please not leave me hangin' on this one?

Cora said...

This is why I keep a camera in my purse at all times, because you never know when dracula is going to attack in the grocery store and be vanquished with plastic bags.

Whiskeymarie said...

Monkey- I apologized for that! Sheesh- one solid crotch punch and a girl's gotta hear about it forever...

K- I know you're not joking, so I will oblige when I get home from work tonight, before I wash the spiders and bird's nests out.

Cora- I had my camera, but alas, I wasn't quick enough to use it had I even remembered (slaps forehead- d'oh!)

Will said...

Just don't ask gym crazy dude what 'roids he's using. And crotch kicking him would do no good, his thingees are probably shriveled into history.

Anonymous said...

I guess she liked my purse. Um...okay.

Of course she liked your purse...yours is so much newer!


(am I the only one with a potty-brain today?!)

amysue in texas

Gwen said...

Glad to hear all's normal up there.

WendyB said...

I think people are going to miss your crotch punches.

Lisa said...

I agree with WendyB. Sometimes that's the only touching that gets done.

CDP said...

I was in the locker room at the aquatic center once, and an old lady started talking to me, and she removed her suit AS SHE WAS SPEAKING. So I went from pleasant conversatin with decently covered fellow swimmer to scorched retinas before I even knew what was happening to me.

kirby said...

Did you at least take advantage of the bat frenzy distraction to "self check" a case of wine into your shopping bag?

SkylersDad said...

I had a guy wander up next to me in our locker room sans towel and pull the put one leg up next to me on the bench and lean on it and start talking.

Shit, I couldn't even speak at the sight of his 80 year old man-sack dangling inches away from me.

I still wake up screaming at night...

Mommy Lisa said...

Alas Kirby - we here in MN do not have wine at the grocery store. it sucks, we deal.

Anonymous said...

What is it with these totally non-modest people at the gym?! Just cause we share the same "junk" is that somehow license to share it with EVERYONE?! Sorry that you can't un-see gravity challenged T&A!!

~Renata1967

Jumble Mash said...

Hi! I've given you a blog award!

Jumble Mash

Annah said...

Hahhaha. I can so sympathize with the whole, hair washing thing. I'm SO horrible at it :( My hair isn't very greasy so I tend to forget when it's time for a good ol' wash. Eeeek. Nasty.

By the way my captcha for this comment is autcra, which kinda sounds like outcry and yes. This hair washing ordeal is an outcry. Okay, no more rambling from me.

Shannon said...

Now I'm going to have the image of a little dancing devil wearing a pink sweatband and legwarmers aerobicizing in my head the rest of the day. Awesome.

Brooke said...

We had a little bat issue in the house once. Woke up to one circling overhead. It was not funny, Whiskey Marie (in my Mom-using-your-middle-name voice).

Cute boots!

Mnmom said...

There was a bat in the local pub the other day. I was more afraid of the broom-swinging owner than the bat.

Glad you've found some amusement at the gym. Helps the time pass,yes?

It think it's STILL too hot here in MN. When my skin feels like I'm constantly wrapped in a wet horse blanket it's just too humid.

180|360 said...

I think you somehow keep the world in balance. If everyone ran because of an errant bat or confrontation with a crazy, the world just might spin right out of control. As for your students, I am positive they love you just as much as we do!

T.J. said...

*muah*

michaelg said...

Do you go to the St. Louis Park LifeTime gym? If so, I think I know the guy you're talking about. Last winter he was there in flannel pajamas "dancing" on a treadmill and smiling like crazy. He was having a ball and seemed harmless.
I love the reaction of people to flying rodents. Hee hee.

Jen said...

A bat at the grocery store??? What store were you at... Cub?? Disgusting!! Oh, and Cathy at Antsy Pants told me to drop by and say Hi. She said that you live in MN too. Howdy neighbor!! :-)