Sunday, April 25, 2010

Shake your booty, yeah yeah.

My simian friend, Dr. Monkey, posted today about the Lane Bryant lingerie commercial that ABC and Fox deemed too racy to air (Monkey's got it at his blog, if you haven't seen it yet). This kind of shit never fails to get me all up in a lather.

Since when did having curves become a bad thing? Aren't our curves, our tits, our hips, our luscious booties the very things that have made us desirable to our suitors throughout history? Show me a hetero man who doesn't at least sneak a peek when we've got a low-cut top on and I'll show you a guy who makes his clothes out of old potato sacks, recycles his own hair, and probably spells "women" "womyn".

Seriously- YOU love our curves, WE love our curves- what the hell is wrong with the world??

Yes, I understand that some of you are naturally very thin, and though I resent the fact that you can snarf down an entire Wendy's extra value menu and nary gain an ounce while I sometimes worry if my jeans will fit the next day after daring to look at the dessert list, I get it. We are born with what we're born with, so sayeth the Universe.

I work out/exercise quite a bit, I generally watch what I eat. But honestly, I work in food. I like indulging here and there. I like having wine with dinner and sometimes breakfast. I like not spending 95% of my time obsessing about my body, like some people I know. Honestly- how boring is that? Do I spend some time obsessing? Sure, we all do. But I try to not make it my focus in life or to dwell on it too much. I refuse to beat myself up because I can't be whatever fucked-up concept of "ideal" that marketing agents have cultivated over the years. I would have to starve myself and work out 24/7 to get anywhere near what passes for "ideal" these days. Sorry, I may have my shallow/narcissistic moments, but that kind of behavior tends to push people into the "holy shit you're shallow!" range.
I still wear jeans that I've had for 10+ years, and that's good enough for me. I'm healthy, I'm relatively fit, I still get attention from men for my looks (I'd be a big ol' liar if I said that didn't matter). But...I still take the occasional "lazy day", I still love cheese and pork products more than I love sparkly Elvis (and I love me some sparkly Elvis), and I still make time to exercise my mind and cultivate a rich life involving friends, family, and dipping french fries in hollandaise sauce.

Show me a curvy, confident woman and I'll show you a woman who will keep you on your toes and keep you oh-so-happy in the sack. A woman who is comfortable in her own skin (curvy or thin) is a woman who can keep conversations as well as libidos going.

I just don't get why we get beat up on a daily basis about this shit. Doubt I ever will.

But honestly? The way I see it, the more we give in to the idea that we're not good enough, whatever our body type, we play into the bullshit. Find a way to love yourself more. Find a way to see yourself as beautiful and desirable. Force yourself to stop the self-criticism. Every day, look at yourself and see something you like, even if it's a bad day and you only like your eyelashes. If you keep it up, before you know it we'll all actually like ourselves, and this sort of misogynistic (ugh- now that's a word I never thought I'd use here) crap has no power over us.

Quit wasting time dwelling on the negative and start spending more time picking out a fabulous low-cut halter top or booty-hugging pencil skirt, dammit! Be the girl who is envied for her confidence. Be the girl who quits eating the shit sandwich the world put in her lunchbox.

Be who you are, without a doubt.

On a related note- Esquire magazine gets it- they appreciate a curvy, sexy broad. I was so very excited when this month's issue came through my mail-hole and saw my latest girl crush, Christina Hendricks, on the cover of their "Women" issue.

Good choice, boys, good choice:

Me-ow. If she's "fat", sign me up for "fat" because it looks pretty damn tasty to this girl.



alissa said...

right on whisky!!! I concur!
I have nothing more to add!

Christa said...

Nicely said, WM. I'm going to forward it to my mom, who got really weird when I offered her a pretty effing amazing cupcake.

Carolyn said...

You and Dr. Monkey are my heroes. Very, very well said.

feisty said...


SkylersDad said...

Well said Whiskey, women are supposed to have curves! I think the skinny look is ridicules and wish it would go away.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Now I'm imagining you and Hendricks making out.

l'ananas said...

well that writer's block jumped out the window. we just need to get you nice and worked up, that's all. great post. i too won't fit into my jeans after just one bad meal. people don't understand this, saying "it's just one day." yeah? tell that the tube that just developed around my hips.

anyway, you're smoking hot.

T.J. said...

Well said, well said indeed.

Oh, and way to whip out the vocabulary. That's the first time I've ever seen anyone but me use the word 'misogynistic.'

Try using pedegogue in a sentance sometime.....

Buenos con queso.

Today's Random said...

Loving the new banner or header or whatever the heck they're called.

TOTALLY agree with you!! Christina Hendricks is my new hero.

Stacey said...

I could stand to lose several lbs currently but even at my ideal weight I'm a woman with curves.
What can I say, baby got back. And hips and thighs. And I can't imagine it any other way.

The media is ridiculous. We need to follow less of what most magazines call the perfect body and instead embrace what we have. The 40s and 50s had it right. Curves are sexy.

Love what you're working with.

Ricky Shambles said...

Great posts from both you and Monkey. Curves are natural, beautiful, and really the "sex" in sexy.

Oh, and I do like the word "misogynistic" as well. Will we be seeing any "phallocentric" in the near future?

Anonymous said...

As a woman who has always been naturally on the skinny side (5'4"/105lbs.), thanks to all of these half-starved freaks running around, I get to hear comments in the cafeteria at my new job about how I must be barfing it up on some Hollyweird diet or something. It really HURTS my feelings and I am very tempted to start making hoarking noises in bathroom whenever this nasty little group follows me into the bathroom after wards! But obviously, these women are NOT happy about their curves - but is that somehow MY fault?!
I am also so tired of hearing how skinny women are not "real women" either. This is just some of the not-so-fun-things about being NATURALLY skinny, two more things would be located on my chest region!
(OMG)Word verification: thino

Mommy Lisa said...

I love this rant lady! And I really AM fat. But I have fun and workout and do what I please...damn it!

Sundar said...

Agree with you 100%. Also, anyone who doesn't think that woman in the commercial is just the most sensational, ravishing woman is just plain wierd. More than likely, they have probably been brain-washed by the media/culture as to what is 'supposed' to be sexy.

Shanster said...

I think the grass is always greener on the other side o' da fence.

When you are curvy, you want to be thin, when you are thin, you want curves... and each side wishes SO much to be on the OTHER side, they don't realize how hurtful comments can be.

Having said that... I'm glad you posted this. I needed to hear it. Thanks Whiskey! I moved forward with sum'thin that was bothering me for a loooong time....

Fancy Schmancy said...

Excellent post! I agree completely. So does Glee as one of their story lines covered this same thing last night, and the "curvy" black girl sang Beautiful. Coincidence? I think not.

Mach1 said...

Those are the old Christina Hendricks in Esquire photos. The new ones are of her in the "Oh, hello. I was just pulling down my neckline when you walked in" pose and the "This watermelon slice is really good, and I am just eating it. Nothing sexual here" pose.

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