Argh.
Honestly y'all, my days are flying by quicker than the speed of the average Tourette's twitch.
Maybe I need to get up earlier, maybe I need to stop spending hours online looking for monkey-themed purchases, maybe I need to not enjoy plopping my ass on the couch for "Project Runway" so much, maybe I need an assistant to fetch mommy's pills from the pharmacy and make the weekly trip to stock up on cat treats, maybe I need to ditch the Mr. and be a trophy bride for a terminally ill billionaire.
I think I'll start with an assistant.
If there is anyone reading this that, by some sheer coincidence, looks exactly like me, has a semi-thick MN accent, occasionally breaks into meow-themed songs, sniffles a lot and can pretend to know how to cook- well, there's a crisp fiver, a half-eaten bag of Rolos, a new pair of tube socks and a pair of perfectly good toenail clippers for the most qualified applicant that is willing to go to work for me for the next few days. Even if you look nothing like me, I'm willing to provide a wig and makeup/wardrobe services.
I'll even let you make out with the Mr, if that sweetens the pot. I'm sure he'll understand.
Anyone interested should mail their resume, a urine sample, a video of their dancing skills, a crayon drawing of a Chimpanzee, a check for $2.76, a 500-word essay on why they love cheese, and a new toothbrush to:
Whiskeymarie VonPartypants, professional division
555 Partypants Circle
Lower Minnesota, 50001
Attn: Helper monkey Jojo
Jojo and/or Human Resources will contact you via two tin cans and a string within 2-56 weeks with your employment status.
Thank you for your interest.
Good luck!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Miscellaneous miscellany. And product endorsements.
Random bits, kind of like nuggets, but nothing at all like leavins'...
- Work & "Operation Fix this Fucking House" are kicking my ass this week. Luckily, this is my last full week of work (i.e. 5-day work week) until mid January. My job is AWESOME.
- I really should be working right now, but instead here I am.
- A random conversation with the Mr. at Costco this week:
Me: "I can't take those multivitamins. they have Iron in them."
Him: "What's wrong with Iron?"
Me: "It makes me pukey when I take them, seriously- I threw up once. Plus I guess there is some alleged connection between Iron and Alzheimers."
Him: "Well, we already know that you're going to get it for sure."
Me: I wouldn't be so sure, Mister- It runs in YOUR family, not mine.
Him: "Well, I guess it will be a race then to see who gets it first."
Me: "You're on."
So, yeah. We're now betting on who will get Alzheimer's first. We are so very, very idiotic.
- I'm starting to mail stuff for the Mail Project! Yay! I hope you're o.k. with nudity! Just ignore the white powder leaking from the envelope!
- I am currently in deep, semi-sexual love with this cereal.
- And these chips.
- And the unders from this company. Fabulous fit and ever so cute for thy bum.
- And, and...if you've never tried these, I highly recommend it. Melty blobs of smooth, chocolatey love. I just ate three.
- It's rainy and gray today- I wish I could be home to enjoy it.
- Quit scratching- you're just making it worse, you know.
- I ate a banana today that had something crunchy in it. I think I'm off bananas for a while.
- When I went down to the copy center today and asked the copy dude if there was any way humanly possible that I could get a pile of copies done right away, his eyes briefly darted downward and he quickly said "Um...sure!". As I walked out, I realized that the chilly basement had turned on my highbeams. Real high. You're welcome, copy dude.
- Gotta go- I do occasionally work, you know.
Monday, October 6, 2008
Fun! Watching paint dry fun! Clipping toenails fun! Fun!
Weekend recap, in photos to accommodate my illiterate/ADD readers:
Friday was a perfect Fall day here in St. Paul. The leaves are just starting to turn and the air is crisp. It's just cold enough to confuse people. You see parkas walking down the street next to flip-flops and shorts. Luckily, it's chilly enough that jiggly middle-aged dudes are no longer compelled to take off their shirts in public. Thank you, mother nature.
I walked to work so I could get some air in my lungs that wasn't filled with plaster dust and cat dander.
On my way I stopped and bought a snazzy new green scarf. I had to take this picture myself, which explains the double chin and the dude off-camera that was very confused and amused by me taking a picture of myself while walking down Grand Avenue.
"Operation Fix this Fucking House" is still in full swing. Duh. I finally finished painting the living room, replacing the diamonds on the wall with subtle stripes (sorry, Kate- I know you liked the diamonds, we just got tired of them).
Before:
After:
I finally get to put out my new rug for the entry. I love this rug so much that I made out with it. Unfortunately for me, the wool gave me rugburn on my face.
I made tamales this weekend for dinner. I usually don't follow a recipe, but if you get the urge to make some, I have used this recipe and it was very good.
Step one: make the masa dough. You can get masa flour at any latin grocery, or here in MN the "ethnic" aisle at Cub usually has it. Tamale dough usually calls for a LOT of lard, I substitute butter and use way less and it always works out fine. Even I don't keep lard around.
Corn husks to wrap the tamales- soak them in warm water for a while to soften them up. Again, any latin market or "ethnic" grocery should have these.
I cooked two chicken breasts (tee-hee, breasts) off, then shredded them by hand. I added a bunch of spices (good quality chili powder, cumin, Mexican oregano, a touch of coriander, salt & pepper) and because I was feeling lazy, I just dumped in about 1/4c. of hot salsa and a few healthy dashes of hot sauce.
Mix it all up, make sure it tastes good, then you're ready to go:
Lay out the husk, then use your hands to smoosh out the masa dough into a rectangle.
Add some filling, then roll the dough around the filling. this dough is really easy to work with- it should have the texture of play-doh. I used the recipe off of the bag of masa for the dough and added oregano and ground flax seed to it (fiber, baby- keeps you regular!):
Wrap them up like a little package:
Or, if you're a fancypants snob, make them cute by tying them in bundles with strips of the husks:
Then steam them off for about 35-45 minutes:
We ate them with salsa, sour cream, guacomole, and sauteed peppers and onions.
Yum. Yum.
Yum.
Moving on...
I started working on the hall/stairs to get them ready for painting. Let me tell you- 102 year-old plaster walls are NO FUN to paint.
As you can see, the plaster here has some "issues". All I have left to do here is sand, scrub with toxic cleaners, tape off all of the obstacles, prime with toxic primer, wait and hope the primer doesn't start peeling like the last time, paint the first coat, wait and hope THAT doesn't peel either, paint a second coat, then finally- do a happy dance if it all works out, which it likely won't, if my past experience tells me anything:
The new bathroom finally has walls!!
We are one step closer to being able to pee at the same time as a couple, him in one can and me in the other. Who says I'm not romantic?
Finally, to make your life complete and firmly cement my place in the "cat lady" hall of fame, I give you seventeen uneventful seconds of Pooter:
Untitled from Whiskeymarie VonPartypants on Vimeo.
You're welcome.
Happy Monday, my plaster-coated freshly-painted hot tamales. Happy Monday.
XO
Friday was a perfect Fall day here in St. Paul. The leaves are just starting to turn and the air is crisp. It's just cold enough to confuse people. You see parkas walking down the street next to flip-flops and shorts. Luckily, it's chilly enough that jiggly middle-aged dudes are no longer compelled to take off their shirts in public. Thank you, mother nature.
I walked to work so I could get some air in my lungs that wasn't filled with plaster dust and cat dander.On my way I stopped and bought a snazzy new green scarf. I had to take this picture myself, which explains the double chin and the dude off-camera that was very confused and amused by me taking a picture of myself while walking down Grand Avenue.
"Operation Fix this Fucking House" is still in full swing. Duh. I finally finished painting the living room, replacing the diamonds on the wall with subtle stripes (sorry, Kate- I know you liked the diamonds, we just got tired of them).
Before:
After:
I finally get to put out my new rug for the entry. I love this rug so much that I made out with it. Unfortunately for me, the wool gave me rugburn on my face.
I made tamales this weekend for dinner. I usually don't follow a recipe, but if you get the urge to make some, I have used this recipe and it was very good.Step one: make the masa dough. You can get masa flour at any latin grocery, or here in MN the "ethnic" aisle at Cub usually has it. Tamale dough usually calls for a LOT of lard, I substitute butter and use way less and it always works out fine. Even I don't keep lard around.
Corn husks to wrap the tamales- soak them in warm water for a while to soften them up. Again, any latin market or "ethnic" grocery should have these.
I cooked two chicken breasts (tee-hee, breasts) off, then shredded them by hand. I added a bunch of spices (good quality chili powder, cumin, Mexican oregano, a touch of coriander, salt & pepper) and because I was feeling lazy, I just dumped in about 1/4c. of hot salsa and a few healthy dashes of hot sauce.Mix it all up, make sure it tastes good, then you're ready to go:
Lay out the husk, then use your hands to smoosh out the masa dough into a rectangle.
Add some filling, then roll the dough around the filling. this dough is really easy to work with- it should have the texture of play-doh. I used the recipe off of the bag of masa for the dough and added oregano and ground flax seed to it (fiber, baby- keeps you regular!):
Wrap them up like a little package:
Or, if you're a fancypants snob, make them cute by tying them in bundles with strips of the husks:
Then steam them off for about 35-45 minutes:
We ate them with salsa, sour cream, guacomole, and sauteed peppers and onions.Yum. Yum.
Yum.
Moving on...
I started working on the hall/stairs to get them ready for painting. Let me tell you- 102 year-old plaster walls are NO FUN to paint.
As you can see, the plaster here has some "issues". All I have left to do here is sand, scrub with toxic cleaners, tape off all of the obstacles, prime with toxic primer, wait and hope the primer doesn't start peeling like the last time, paint the first coat, wait and hope THAT doesn't peel either, paint a second coat, then finally- do a happy dance if it all works out, which it likely won't, if my past experience tells me anything:
The new bathroom finally has walls!!
We are one step closer to being able to pee at the same time as a couple, him in one can and me in the other. Who says I'm not romantic?
Finally, to make your life complete and firmly cement my place in the "cat lady" hall of fame, I give you seventeen uneventful seconds of Pooter:
Untitled from Whiskeymarie VonPartypants on Vimeo.
You're welcome.
Happy Monday, my plaster-coated freshly-painted hot tamales. Happy Monday.
XO
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