Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A is for Ambulatory

Going to see my bestest monkey, Gwen, this past weekend was eleventy hundred sorts of awesomeness.  Man I love that weirdo.

I ran into Gwen when I was stopping to pee after I got off the plane- she was coming out of the pisser, I was going in.  The best part was that she didn't say "HEY!" or "Whiskey!!" or anything like that when she spotted me- she just sort of let out a hee-haw, nerdy sort of giggle.  It was adorable.  We hugged and immediately starting talking about pooping.
So predictable, we are.

I was wearing a t-shirt that I had made just for the occasion (some of you will get this, some of you may not.  It's a long, embarrassing story that I'll save for a drunken post in the future):

The weekend was perfect- a blur of food, animal hats, fake butts, cocktails, too much wine, more food, sunburn, lounging, cannonballing, ice cream, cat grooming and manual labor.  I think at one point that Gwen slipped me something in my drink and got me to re-roof her house, but the only evidence I have of such a thing was waking up with asphalt shingles stuck to my knees, and I guess I now own a nail gun.

A bit of evidence that I actually spent the weekend in St. Louis with Gwen, and not pole-dancing at a truck stop in Arkansas, as rumors on the in-ter-nets would have you believe:


Gwen and I after our commitment ceremony at City Hall.  Gwen wore white, I wore a donkey suit.  It was as beautiful as it sounds:

The giant, tiled, mushroom/penis sculpture at the bar we went to Friday night.  It was penitacular:

Gwen and I slow dancing, catholic prom style:

Gwen is quite the gardener.  She currently is attempting to grow human butts, with mixed results:

Hanging out at the Hamptons (aka Gwen's back yard by the big blow-up pool) with a fruity beverage and pig ears:

Once we were tipsy enough to refuse to recognize any idea as a bad one, we decided to give each other tattoos, "prison-style".  My boob rose:

And my Celtic/Asian/Generic stripe, based on any number of tattoos generally found on Ultimate Fighting enthusiasts:


The line at the frozen custard place we went to Saturday night, after a long day of grilling, boozing, tattoos and boobies.  There were seriously close to 200 people there, but the line moved really fast. 

Gwen couldn't figure out why everyone at the ice cream store was looking at her funny, then she remembered that she had a hat on.  On a related note:  I am not wearing pants in this picture.  No lie. 


Before I flew home on Sunday, we met some of Gwen's friends for brunch at a swanky hotel.  This?  This was just the "dessert station".  There was also a "cured meat and cheese station" and both an oyster bar and a bloody mary bar, among other treats.  Oh, and unlimited mimosas.  
Best.  Brunch.  Ever. 

So 
Much
Fun.  

I miss my monkey-girl already...

20 comments:

Té la mà Maria - Reus said...

very good blog, congratulations
regard from Reus Catalonia
thank you

SkylersDad said...

My god I love you both! The catholic school prom slow dance picture made me pass a Jr High burrito out through my nose.

Gwen said...

Last night I sat at the computer for an hour drafting and reasing and drafting a post. I'd already picked out the pictures I wanted to use but we just had such an awesome time that words failed me. I'm happy to see that you were able to make some sense of our Whirlwind of Fun Goodness Weekend and share our story. I promise to try harder tonight because everyone needs to see you napping on my front sidewalk and doing your chores.

Just so you know, my house is waaaaay to quiet now. Come back to me.

Gwen said...

"Erasing", not reasing.

Imnotbenny said...

You two are made of win and funny.

Gwen farms butts.

Some Guy said...

The fact that you immediately started talking about pooping warms my heart to no end.

Charm City Barfly said...

I want to do bad, bad things to that dessert station. That looks beyond awesome.

Dr Zibbs said...

I love that shirt!!

I wish I had there!

Stacey said...

Gwen has the cutest haircut ever. And I'm not just saying that because it looks like my most recent do.

Ok maybe I am. But still.

You two make me smile and think of naughty things.

McGone said...

One of these times I fully expect that you won't come back from your trip to St. Louis... While we all wait for you to update your blog with stories of pooping and drunken debauchery, you'll really be tied up in Gwen's basement with a basket of lotion or whatever she has planned for you. But until that time, you two are adorable.

John said...

That's the biggest, most bejeweled penis I've ever seen.

Anonymous said...

My eyes glazed over at the sight of that pen...I mean mushroom.

You know, I can never meet you. I have never been a lot of fun and I would feel unworthy!

Sigh................patti

Grant Miller said...

I'm so jealous!

WendyB said...

A boob rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Padre Mickey said...

I believe the drug Gwen put in your drink is called a "re-roofie."

Candy's daily Dandy said...

you two crazee kids are so stinkin' cute...glad u had fun!

Lesli said...

Just a quick hello to say I really enjoyed meeting you tonight at our dinner at Napa Valley Grille & now i know what is in a Manhattan--even a cherry!

Pea said...

You made me miss my bestie! I'm going to visit her this August and I hope you don't mind if we borrow the Catholic prom pose.

Liberality said...

You are having way too much fun WhiskeyMarie and I am jealous as all get out. But keep it up cuz I like it :)

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