Delicious sauerkraut, you tempt me with your sexy cabbage lusciousness.

So, I'm not hungover anymore (haven't had a two-day hangover since my 15-year reunion and it was totally worth it. I think there may be a plaque saluting me in that tiny redneck bar up north- I'm freaking famous there).

Yet, I continue to eat as if I were.

Specifically, I brought a roasted chicken breast and chickpea-edamame salad to work to avoid any temptation, but it was sausage & sauerkraut day in the cafeteria- no contest. I can't say no to sauerkraut and any type of cured pork product - I am physically incapable. Now I'm thinking about a cookie or something to round out the experience. Plus, I had to go to work early today, so no time to work out.


This is not helping my pre-vacation ass. I leave in a few weeks for a tropical vacay (first EVER) and wearing a swimsuit is starting to make me sweat a little (said sweat strangely smells like vinegar & onions today- go figure). I'm frantically searching online for a swimsuit that has a bottom that resembles the control-top part of control-top pantyhose. Looks like I'll have to settle for a boy-short style that seems like it will hide most of the offending thigh-fat. Maybe no one will notice if I wear control-top hose under my suit- that would totally solve the problem.


Well, at least I'll be in a foreign country with friends who are in the same (or worse) shape that I am.
And really, I'm not fat or gross, just kind of jiggly.

Maybe I'll wear a thong.


On a side note: I am also getting my first ever cooch-region waxing before we go. I have been opposed to this inhumane act up to this point, but it's getting a little jungle-like down there and drastic measures are needed. I have an abnormally high pain threshold, but I'm still not excited about this. Maybe I should get a lightning-bolt, just for fun.

retard: me

This is how I feel today.

I really didn't try to be good at all. No effort whatsoever.

47 whiskey sours SEEMED like a good idea at the time.

No Taco J's - chips & top the tater at midnight instead.
Today: eggs, bacon, little debbie nutty bars and Mexican for dinner. Plus snacks. Many, many snacks. I tend to eat through hangovers- If it's even vaguely food-like, I may very well snarf it down. Cheese is my best friend today - I love you, Sir Cheddar.

My head hurts. Bad.

Sweet, sweet, deliciously evil whiskey, why do you hate me when all I've ever wanted is for you to love me back?

Where EVERY night is ladies night

I'm going out of town tonight to hang out with my gal Waffle. Whenever we to out, no matter how hard we try, no matter how old we get and how much we should know better, we end up stupid-drunk & finishing the night at Taco J's.

But, I'll say it one more time in the hopes that it may actually happen for once: I will try to be good tonight.

Problem is, she lives where we grew up & its a VERY drankin' sort of place. We know we can go out (or stay in) and either run into all our old freaks/friends or we can make them come to us at her place. Either way, there will be many cocktails.
I love cocktails.

Last time she had a party I woke up with no pants.

Wish me luck.

Oh, yeah, my thumb is feeling better, but it still looks gross. It will be a great party favor tonight.