Tuesday, March 8, 2011

What a motherfucking difference a day makes...

Actual, un-retouched photos, both taken today (I shit you not)(You know I wouldn't shit you. Or ON you, for that matter.)(But I'd totally talk shit about you if you did that one thing we never talk about anymore)(You know the one.)(You know- the one that got you ARRESTED in Tijuana, dummy.)(Anyhoo...):

#1, the one we'll gently call "before" much like adult diapers are called "personal undergarments":


And #2, the one we'll call "holy shit, that skanky hobo cleans up real nice!":

I can't lie, people- this winter has kicked my psyche's ass HARD.  I'm lethargic, prone to drinking wine in the afternoon, and pretty much not giving of a shit on any level, physical or metaphysical.  This blog has taken a back seat to sad online shopping and hiding my "Real Housewives of..." habit much like a heroin addict, minus the track marks.  The fact that I once again feel like an actual female member of the human race who actually possesses a vagina makes me feel like...me:1, Seasonal Affective Disorder:0

I Winned!!!

(And I owe my hairdresser a huge cake with sparkles, rainbows and sugar unicorns.)


I hope I'm back, bitches.  I really hope I am. 
If not, go kick a snowman in the junk in my honor.  That fucker owes me.