Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Confession #3: I had to look up "harbinger" in the dictionary to make sure I was using it correctly.

In my never-ending quest to firmly place myself in the League of Extraordinary Dorks Hall of Fame, I give you another not-so-shocking confession:

I, Whiskeymarie VonPartypants, harbinger of all things cool and awesome...I used to freaking love Clive Barker (and still kind of do). 

Yes, I said it.  I willingly devoured the gory, strange writings that typically appealed more to nerdtacular boys with unhealthy addictions to Doungeons and Dragons and creative masturbation practices than to punk rock-ish girls in rural Minnesota in the 80's.  I've read most of his books, I've (for better or for worse, usually worse) seen most of the movies (yeah, I'll take a pass on Hellraisers #2-9, thank you very much), and I even spent a number of hours in the early 90's waiting in line at Rosedale Mall for the honor of having Mr. Barker sign my copy of Weaveworld.  I remember that he was very nice, kind of short, and not at all seeming like the kind of guy who could come up with some of the fucked up gore that he has come up with.  He seemed more like the kind of guy that would write sensitive poetry about butterflies and tea than the kind of guy who regularly writes about evisceration and limbs being lopped off casually, like how one would cut apart a chicken for dinner.

I started watching Midnight Meat Train just the other night, a movie that I had been pestering the Mr. to get for me from Netflix, much to his chagrin.  I'm only halfway through, but from what I've seen so far, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's not terrible.  Considering the monumental stinkiocity of pretty much all of his other movies (Hellraiser #1 being the only exception- perfectly cheesy, sort of campy, and still appropriately scary), that's saying a lot.  Bradley Cooper sure is easy on the eyes, and Vinnie Whatshisname was perfectly cast: almost no dialogue and creepy as hell.  I think I'll finish watching it today- yes, I'll be the one sitting inside on a sunny, hot July day watching a movie about butchering humans for meat. 

Yay, me?

Oh, and while we're on topic of embarrassing confessions:  Yesterday I decided put on eye cream while I was going pee, and I thought to myself, "Hey!  I'm multi-tasking!".

Set the bar low, Whiskey.  Set the bar low. 

20 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

I've never even heard of that movie but will add it to my list.

Anastasia said...

I read the Thief of Always as a kid and it had me hooked. I only saw the first part of Midnight Meat Train, but my husband really liked it.

Mommy Lisa said...

I am going to Stella's myself. I will slam an oyster for you.

John said...

You sure like guys named Clive. I wonder how much legal mumbo jumbo is involved with changing my name. I wanna be in the WM Clive Club.

Hey, speaking of CAMPY and CHEESY (yes, with capital letters), last week I watched the ORIGINAL Batman pilot (with Adam West and Burt Ward; a.k.a the Ambiguously Gay Duo), with ALL FOUR diabolical super villains! What a riot. : )

Shannon said...

Don't feel bad, I'll always have a special place in my heart for Pinhead.

And regarding the multitastking: some days, it's the little things. :)

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I wondered what became of you. Glad to see you back.

Gwen said...

Have I taught you nothing?! It's the guys who write sensitive poetry about butterflies and tea who regularly eviscerate and casually lop off limbs like how one would cut apart a chicken for dinner. God!

You're gonna get yourself serially killed some day and eye cream won't help you then.

SkylersDad said...

Speaking of multitasking, you used harbinger and midnight meat train in the same post!

Well played miss party pants.

Mine said...

Whiskey

LOVE Barker, love love love him. Still read Weaveworld from time to time also adore Everville and Imajica.

I've seen the movie. It's kind of good, but in my opinion starts better than it ends. be interested to hear what you think

Anonymous said...

I just love that you said, "I'm going to go out on a limb..." in your second paragraph!!
~Renata1967

Lisa said...

I love it when I can accomplish anything while peeing. That few seconds can make all the difference in my day.

Stacey said...

Um Midnight Meat Train if it's the one I'm thinking of didn't bring out that lovin feeling.

It might have been that I watched it late at night when I was incredibly tired or it might have been that I was horrified when the dude cut off his cysts/tumors/nastiness and stuck them in a jar that did it for me. (And I usually don't gross out easily with horror flicks)

I'm pretty sure I asked the screen "Was that really necessary ?"

Charm City Barfly said...

I will be honest in saying that I skimmed this post and just saw the words "Midnight Meat Train" and "Bradley Cooper". I was disappointed to find out that it was not the type of movie I had in mind. #RegularMoviesWithPornMovieNames

Devilham said...

Lurv the new profile pic.....not to be creepy, but you were just my type back in the day (just look at an old pic of my wife, she has the same haircut, only dyed white!)

I loved punk rock girls....still do actually, so I married one!

Son of a Thomas said...

I am a fan and even got to interview him. I also have his home number go figure.

Suze said...

This post is one of the reasons why I love you.

kirby said...

If Bradley Cooper wants to put those gay rumors to rest, he'd ought to stop doing movies with titles like Midnight Meat Train.

Dayna Jean said...

i still have my "Night Breed" flair pin Clive gave me when he was here promoting the film...hmm...geeky we still are, darlin. Loving you from here

180|360 said...

Just for fun, you should show Midnight Meat Train to your students this fall... as a segment on "how to butcher."

Ricky Shambles said...

Huge Pinhead fan, horror in general, written horror in particular. Spookier. Unfortunately my masturbation is not all that creative. And I think you always have to say "Clive" before "Barker." When you referenced "Mr. Barker," I pictured Bob.

Working on a blog now about how horror movies do not scare me - not lingering past startle, anyway. I'll pass it on when it's up.

Great post, as always. :)